Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Amazing Race Post-Posting Post

OH OH OH!

And as a Post-Posting Post (brought to you by Post)

DID ANYONE reading this watch the Amazing Race on Sunday night????

I've never seen such airport bedlam on this show before. Between Eric & Danielle getting yanked off a flight moments before it took off and the show-down between the nasty Team Guido and that equally horrible old married couple (Terri and Ian) that I hate, I was so wound-up and high-strung, I needed to lie down after that episode. Too intense. Great editing!

I also have to say, as much as Charla and Mirna annoy me because they're always yelling and getting in peoples faces... they also keep me in stitches. Just seeing Charla pop up under desks and little places (in order to be able to look people in the eye when she talks to them) makes me giggle. Good for her y'know, but it's still funny.

And next week is a TWO-HOUR SPECIAL! I don't think my heart can take it.

Cheerio!

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Smokin' in the Kitchen with Elmo

Saturday March 24th:

Today is an unproductive day. Well... not entirely... I spent the good part of an hour stuffing insulation into a huge crack in the wall under the kitchen sink that has been allowing an unknown neighbours cigarette smoke to overrun our entire apartment for months and months. The crack came from long-ago pipe repairs that the management conducted in all of the units in our section of the building. Once they were finished, pretty much every night we could smell second-hand smoke in the kitchen. Not so nice when you're not a smoker yourself. We then complained a few times to the super, and twice had the maintenance guy come up and tell us once that "nothing was wrong "with a second performance verdict that "nothing could be done".

Then recently Ted bought one of those air ionizer things, which does the trick, but for obvious reasons, cannot sit in the middle of our kitchen floor at all times.

Long story short, I think I've sufficiently stuffed all the open seams with that pink fibreglass stuff and then duct-taped over that. Nope... it's not pretty, but it's on the inside our our cupboards; so who cares for now. It seems to be smoke-free for now. Cross your fingers for us.

___got interrupted and never finished the post____

Tuesday March 27th

My friend Keltie brought up a fun time from my childhood (and hers) in the comments section of an earlier post, about me dressing up as the Easter Bunny at a little crap-tastic mall in Kingston, called Frontenac Mall. (I don't even know whether it's still open to be honest.) My cousin Ruth set me up with that high-paying gig when I was 14. I say high-paying, because in 1987 getting paid $75 to wear 30lbs of fun-fur that smelled like bad-breath for 6 hours was a plumb-employment opportunity - even if it did involve having children climb all over me. Keltie had the distinction of being "balloon girl" and I "think" she got paid too, but I'm not sure on that one. She didn't have the luxury of anonymity that a bunny costume can provide but we laughed a lot and probably ate more chocolate easter eggs than we handed out. Good times.

That little recollection got me thinking about all the other indignities I've gladly taken-on as a result of putting on a mascot-sized costume....
I've been a Hostess Munchie, and the Easter Bunny (different costume) again for the Petro Canada station I worked for in Kingston (Division Street @ the 401), - I actually have a picture of me in that particular bunny costume toting a pretty little Easter basket in one hand and the other hand firmly grabbing my crotch. - I'm prone to classy moments such as this, but at least you couldn't see my face. The Hostess Munchie costume was for a Petro Canada promotion as well. I recall with grief that it was a summer weekend with the temperature in the high twenties/low thirties. Lori Boucher and I took turns sweating and waving to traffic (and subsequently trying not to wander IN to traffic 'cause you couldn't see out of the gi-normous red Munchie head.)

I've also been "O.J. The Orange" (one of my first radio duties in Belleville - biggest complaint: no mask or head covering. I looked like an ass and everyone knew who I was.) I literally worked for food at that station. They never once paid me. No wonder I had to move back home. Ahhh... radio.

But wait, I'm not done. I've also had the privilege of donning the one and only, creme de la creme of fun fur costume of..... (drum roll) ...The Polkaroo.
That's right ladies and gentlemen. I was the Polkaroo, at the Kingston Memorial Centre for some event my friend Susan was involved with. Sadly... I didn't even get to say "polkaroo" to the kids. It was basically, a "just wear the costume and be silent" scenario. I was disappointed, not only because the Polkaroo only had "one" line that I wasn't allowed to say... but also because the costume was the stinkiest of the stinky costumes I've ever had to wear.
Thanks a lot TVO! You suck for not keeping your mascot costume clean.
I can just picture the wardrobe people saying "Oh the dry cleaners were here and we missed them AGAIN."
(That's a Polka Dot Door joke for any of you who might read that and think "gee, that's not funny at all". --- Hey - I can't help it if you didn't grow up watching the same quality children's programming that I did.)

Now, if only I could get my hands on a life-sized Elmo costume. My dreams will be fulfilled. If you hear of a mugging/assault at an "Ice Capades: Sesame Street on Ice" show... ...it just might be my doing. Elmo is one of my best voice characterizations, and I shudder to think of the hi jinx I could cause with a life-sized costume. Y'know... wandering around your local Zellers store, picking up screaming children and telling them to "shut the hell up".

"Mommy and Daddy, can't spank you anymore, but Elmo will!"

ha - again I say... "Good times".

Cheers y'all.

Song of the day is another electronica/chillax/dance track by a little-known group called "Andain". They only have 3 songs, and I highly recommend them all (even though you have to seek them out individually.) The lead singers voice is so soothing and melodic, and the music is moody but danceable. They're supposedly working on a full-length album. I'll be first in line if it ever sees the light of day.

"Beautiful Things"

Got up early, found something's missing
my only name.
No one else sees but I got stuck,
and soon forever came.
Stopped pushing on for just a second,
then nothing's changed.
Who am I this time, where's my name
I guess it crept away.

No one's calling for me at the door.
And unpredictable
won't bother anymore.
And silently gets harder to ignore.
Look straight ahead, there's nothing left to see.
What's done is done, this life has got it's hold on me.
Just let it go, what now can never be.

I forgot that I might see,
So many beautiful things.
I forgot that I might need,
to find out what life could bring.

Take this happy ending away, it's all the same.
God won't waste this simplicity on possibility.
Get me up, wake me up, dreams are filling
this trace of blame.
Frozen still I thought I could stop,
now who's gonna wait.

No one's calling for me at the door.
and unpredictable
won't bother anymore.
and silently gets harder to ignore.
look straight ahead, there's nothing left to see.
what's done is done, this life has got it's hold on me.
just let it go, what now can never be.

so many beautiful things...
so many beautiful things...
Now what do I do
can I change my mind
did I think things through

It was once my life
it was my life at one time

Friday, March 23, 2007

The Canker Punk Movement

I have had a canker sore inside my mouth (where else would it be right?) for like ...oh... 6 weeks or more. And it is driving me insane. I know it's a canker sore because I've had them before (although never this resilient) and I've tried the hot water and table salt thing, I've tried sea salt, and rock salt and mouth wash and Ambesol. This canker sore has the most incredible will to live I've ever encountered. I tried giving up pop of any kind to try to be rid of it, to no avail. I've even (don't read this if you're squeamish).......
bitten it off... it then healed... gave me a false sense of security and then returned. I've squeezed it like a pimple. I've Googled canker sore cures (which taught me nothing I didn't already know). I've willed-it away (evidently my canker has a greater will than my own). And yet... there it still remains... taunting my tongue and my teeth to constant distraction and Tom-foolery. I'm "thissssss" close to super-heating a knitting needle and giving myself a nice punk-like lip-piercing right through this nine-lives canker. I've got some of the look down-pat (ie: the hair, the leather and the ear rings), I could definitely pull it off. I only lack the knitting needle and the nerve. (And probably the attitude - I'm seriously lacking in that punk attitude - but who knows what this canker sore will eventually drive me to.)

At any rate, this is kind of a throw-away blog entry but it has helped me make it to 5 o'clock and now the whole internet is privy to my nasty little oral affliction. (And once again for emphasis: I know it's only a canker sore. My (cute) dentist confirmed the diagnosis.)

Since I'm a knitting needle away from "God Save the Queen", song of the day is by the Vines. Cool song for thrashing one's head about in a rebellious manner. (See... there's not much punk in me.)
PS. To my friend Dan (aka "Skink"), the coolest punk I know. I miss talkin' to you and I hope you're happy and well.

"Get Free"

I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
Ride into the sun
She never loved me
She never loved me
She never loved me
Why should anyone?

(Come in, come in, come in)
I'll take a bullet for ya
(Come in, come in, come in)
Drag you around the corner
(Come in, come in, come in)
You know you really oughta
(Come in, come in, come in)
Move outta California

Get (get)
Me (me)
Far (far)
When I'm alive again
Save (save)
Me (me)
From (from)
It! (it!)
When it's breeding time
Look into your eyes away

I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
I'm gonna get free
Ride into the sun
She never loved me
She never loved me
She never loved me
Why should anyone?

(Come in, come in, come in)
I'll make it better for ya
(Come in, come in, come in)
Drag you around the corner
(Come in, come in, come in)
You know you really oughta
(Come in, come in, come in)
Move outta California

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Mama Said Knock You Out Rocky

Something must be said about last night's episode of Survivor: Fiji. I have NOT had this level of lingering anger and frustration over an episode since Jonny Fairplay splayed his assholishness all over every inch of Survivor: Pearl Islands.

I am well-aware that every edition needs it's villains and abrasive personalities to make things interesting, but "Rocky"... has got to go. He is quite possibly the most obnoxious Survivor contestant I've ever seen. He's sexist, homophobic, disrespectful, loud, rude, has no self-restraint, arrogant, he's a complete hot-head and he's stupid as hell. Were I among this tribe and seen/experienced the way be behaves, I think I would be very prone to violence. I'm sick to death of mild-mannered, good-natured people being down-trodden, disrespected and cast-aside because they are pacifistic and "too nice". How sad is it that anybody in our world could be considered "too nice"? That's appalling! "Too needy" perhaps. "Too lacking in self-esteem" maybe. But from what the editors allowed us to see... Anthony's game-play was always respectful and considerate, and evidently his only crime was a lack of aggressiveness. I really hate bullies. And that is precisely what Rocky is. My respect for the other seemingly "nice" guys in the tribe has just plummeted because they acknowledged their disdain for Rocky and pretty much denounced his behaviour for the camera, but when the other tribe members are around, they just let it happen. They just let another human being be treated like garbage by one of their peers when they should be telling the offender to "shut the hell up".

When Jonny Fairplay was causing havoc on Pearl Islands, it was all with the wink/smile, lie-through the teeth, just-playing-the-game mentality. You can tell that Rocky is just as big an asshole in his "day-to-day" as he is for the cameras. Someone like that needs to be centred-out and sent home, and told exactly why their bags are being packed for them. He's a disgusting sack of crap and a poor example of a human being. Maybe that in itself explains his one constant facial expression: that of a man in a state of eternal constipated poop-cramps. He's ugly on the inside and it shows on the outside. DOWN WITH ROCKY!!! Ship him home in a crate!

I'm almost as displeased with Lisi as well, but I'll save my soap-box rant on her despicable behaviour for a later date when she's had more air-time with which to show more of her thus-far nasty personality.

At any rate, it would seem to anyone reading this that I hate this season of Survivor, so I should clarify that I'm loving it - aside from some "unsavoury" characters. It's nothing if not engaging.

And since Global took it upon themselves to unceremoniously cut-off the end of the show, thus depriving Canadian viewers of Anthony's closing comments and how the vote went, I did a little online research. The vote was unanimously for Anthony (except for Anthony's lone vote for Rocky/James.) And this was what Anthony had to say about getting voted off:

"I am a little pissed off. I'm a lot pissed off. I'm mad at myself for apparently not screaming to the world (and) being a jerk. Apparently that's what you need to prove that you're out for a million dollars. Regardless of what Rocky says I have great social skills. I'm not what was wrong with that tribe. It was Mookie and James; those are the problems with Ravu and that's why they're losing and their going to continue to lose until both those guys are gone."

His comments about Mookie aren't surprising, because he's been one of those "dick-head jocks who only went along with the other cool kids in high school" type people. He might be an under-the-radar player that goes farther than you'd expect though. We'll just have to wait and see.

For now... I'm rooting for Boo. But it's precarious. He could slide easily to a position of being the target of my contempt. Right now... he's eye-candy, and he seems to be smart without being cocky. Anyone who openly acknowledges that their game play has to change with the circumstances is one to watch in my book. It's way too early to be declaring yourself powerful in this edition.

***Post-Posting... I remembered that I also wanted to comment on how it baffles me in this life that people with no social skills are always accusing others of having no social skills. WHY is that? Since Rocky is a complete buffoon with no idea how to respectfully interact with other people, how the hell does he even know what social skills are to be accusing someone else of lacking them. I'm wondering if he caught an episode of Oprah on the flight to Fiji and picked up a few foreign terms that he just decided to throw around at leisure. GRRRRR***

Anyhoo... Survivor rant at a close. Sorry if you're not a fan. But if you aren't... ...well... why aren't you? It's sooooooo good! hee

Song of the day is a favourite electronica track with a lot of break-beats. Love this song. It's slick, and driving and the lyrics although simplistic and repetitive, have a lot of merit.

"Somnambulist (Simply Being Loved) by B.T.

So little time, so little time
I'm so frustrated
So little joy, so little joy
It's complicated
So little time, so little time time
To work it on out (Yeah yeah)

So little joy, so little joy
It's complicated
I feel I'm stumbling in the dark
Somnambulated
I feel my heart seeking the sparks
I'm praying for love (Love love)
Praying for love

So little joy, so little joy
It's complicated
So little time, so little time
When your heart's been faded
So little hope, so little hope
I'm praying for love (Love love)
Is more than enough

(chorus)
Simply being loved loved loved
Simply being loved loved loved
Simply being loved loved loved
Is more than enough(Yeah yeah)(x2)
Simply being loved(Yeah yeah)
Is more than enough(Yeah yeah)
Simply being loved(Yeah)
Is more than enough

So little joy, so little joy
It's complicated
So little time, so little time
Be acclimated
So little hope, so little hope
And I'm prayin' now with love(Yeah)

So little time the pace has changed
But I'm still waiting
A thousand years of timeless days
Somnambulating
I'm stumbling wounded in the dark
But I'm praying still for love
Love love
Prayin forLove
love love

(chorus)

Some little joy some little joy
It's complicated
So little time, so little time
So frustrated
So little hope, so little hope
And I'm praying still for love
Love(Yeah)
Prayin' for love

So little hope, so little time
It's so frustrating
I feel I'm stumbling in the dark
Somnambulated
I feel my heart's seeking the sparks
But I'm praying still for love(Yeah)

(Yeah yeah)I'm in love
Yeah (yeah yeah) Simply being...
(Yeah yeah) I'm in love
Yeah yeah!
Simply being..
Simply being loved loved loved
Simply being loved loved loved
Simply being loved loved loved
Is more than enough(Yeah yeah)(x2)

Simply being loved(Yeah yeah)
Simply being loved(Yeah yeah)
Simply being loved(Yeah yeah)
Simply being lovedYeah
Simply being loved Is more than enough
Yeah.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Paranoia Will Destroia

Vacations are supposed to be restful and restorative. That's why we take them... ...to get away from everything that causes us stress and fatigue. I know this because I've been on vacation before and enjoyed myself profusely.
The lead-up to this particular vacation is making me wish a) we weren't going at all and b) that it was already over and done with. I'm sure I won't feel that way while we're ON vacation. But for now.... I am S_t_R_e_S_s_e_D.
Did you know that "doom" has a scent?? An actual, tangible, smell?? What does doom smell like you say? Well it's best described as the feeling one gets when one has to train a completely green person (...no, not a Leprechaun - although they have a scent of their own) to do one's job with accuracy, with not nearly enough time... due to financial restraints and "watching the budget". Doom also smells distinctly of fresh strawberries n' cream topped with battery acid.
Yes, I smell doom and cat-ass-trophy. Since I'm trying to stay positive... I'm hoping, wishing and praying to unknown deities that I will not return to complete chaos and smoldering ruins where my desk once was. ...Wait a minute. ...Would that REALLY be such a bad thing?
But that's not the only reason why I'm S_t_R_e_S_s_e_D.
With vacation time, comes the need to leave our precious babies in the care of others. Cole is singularly MISERABLE when we're away, even though he should know the routine by now. Porthos is new to the whole thing so I'm certain he will adapt, but I am concerned that he will misbehave, and by misbehave I mean LARGE. 'Cause he's not big on listening or doing things he doesn't want to do. I'm concerned also because we're leaving them in the care of a household of cigarette smokers and I'm not crazy about knowing their little lungs with be subjected to that. And the list goes on and on.

I'm a worrier. Sometimes it's justified, but more than often it's not. Ted can attest to this because he's not a worrier (usually) and most of the time it baffles him that I dwell on worst case scenarios when I should be enjoying the view (per say). ie: I OBSESS over locking doors and securing things from theft, to the point of making sure the apartment door is locked when I do something as simple as taking laundry down to the laundry room in the basement of our building. ie: I lock the car doors when we're pulling up to an intersection if I see any people mulling about. ie: I prefer to pack the car for a road trip in the middle of the night so people won't see us and know that we're going to be away. It's ridiculous and compulsive on top of all that. But it explains a lot when wondering why the time leading up to the joyous occasion of a vacation (a FREE one at that) has me thinking of ways I could stay home just so the status quo is not disturbed and I can keep an eye on things. BLAH... my mom would say that's a lineage and I'd have to reluctantly agree with her. That kind of thinking is what prevented my grandparents from going anywhere... just locked-up in their house, afraid the neighbours were going to pillage everything they owned. Where the fuck does that mentality come from and how is it passed down like red hair & freckles to grand children? If anyone knows... please e-mail me.

At any rate, I usually tell Ted I'm paranoid from growing up in Kingston. (C'mon... there ARE like 6 or 7 penitentiaries there... I do have a little bit of justification I suppose.) I remember when they first introduced/imposed fines in Kingston for leaving your car unattended with the doors unlocked because it was too easy for escaped cons to use them as getaway cars. And I always had it drilled into me that the convicts families were always just as bad, if not worse than the person in jail and they inevitably all moved to Kingston while their loved-one (accomplice)(ha) was doing time. I have no idea whether this has any statistical bearing to back it up or not. But I do know, Kingston was a rough little town. Looking back now, I don't think I feared for my life nearly as much as I fear I will succumb to someones bad breath on a Toronto subway. But that's not the point.

I will get through my vacation. My job will get through my vacation. Our dogs will get through our vacation. And everything will be fine.

Yes. Yes it will.

On a happier note, Ted's picking up the new car tonight. YAY!! ...Although we didn't manage to sell the Acura. BOOO!! But this is it. No more ring-around-the-rosey car leasing. We stick with the Camry to the end-of-term. I'm looking forward to taking it on some kind of errand this evening, knowing that we've cut our CO2 emissions in half (and then some). Upon careful consideration, we thought it was appropriate to name the Camry "Shocka Car" given it's hybrid-electric guts, as opposed to "Chaka Khar" the third. It's one of those things that only we will find funny. And I can live with that.

Lots of stuff going on over the next 2 weeks, so I don't know how often I'll be blogging, if at all but things should be back to normal by April 9th and I'll be full of charming little anecdotes about vacations and family visits and my plot to destroy the Easter bunny. No wait. Forget that last part. No one must know, or the rabbit may prevail.

Lots o' Love,

John.

OH... and tomorrow is Rosie O'Donnell's birthday... I always remember that because it's our anniversary. "Happy Anniversary Me & Ted"! 11 Years, and a love that endures and grows.

Song of the day is from the CD "A Love Supreme"; one of my must-have desert island favourites)

Thank You for Lovin' Me - Chante Moore

This mellow jam, is for the one, who knows me from the inside,
he always comes around, when I wear a frown, and lifts me up from the down side.
Savin' the best for later on, is his specialty,
just wanna take time out to say, thank you for lovin' me.

For every sweet little word you say,
thank you baby, thank you baby,
this uncontrollable smile on my face,
thank you baby, thank you baby,
thank you for givin' good love to me,
constantly, constantly,
just wanna take time out to say,
thank you for lovin' me.

Can't figure out how he keeps on givin' me good love,
(after good love, after good love), (after good love, after good lovin') like it ain't nothin', no.
He can look right in my eyes and see, if I'm truly happy,
I say with all sincerity,
thank you for lovin' me.

When everything in my world, seems like it's all going wrong,
and I'm feeling so heavy, heavy.
And my way I cannot see, it seems like no one, no one, no one loves me,
I know that you love me for all that you say,
and in every little thing you do,
thank (thank you baby) you!

I can't explain why you give your love,
all I know it's all I've ever dreamed of,
and the more you give, the more it seems I begin to live.
And when the morning comes,
I see the sun rushing through our window,
all I can do is say thank you, thank you for lovin' me.

For every sweet little word you say, thank you baby, thank you baby,
this uncontrollable smile on my face, thank you baby, thank you baby,
thank you for givin' good love to me, constantly, constantly,
just wanna take time out to say, thank you for lovin' me.
For every sweet little word you say, thank you baby, thank you baby,
this uncontrollable smile on my face, thank you baby, thank you baby,
thank you for givin' good love to me, constantly, constantly,
just wanna take time out to say, thank you for lovin' me.

Friday, March 16, 2007

The Anti-Dork Pill & Infernal Journal Giggles

Before I talk about ANYTHING today... I have to, have to, have to post a link to what my friend Nat is doing at her radio station in Montreal in conjunction with Apple computers latest campaign. Go HERE and laff, laff, laff (especially at the 3rd video in the series) at the complete zany humour that this brilliant girl is capable of. (Incidentally, I'm so happy that's she's ended up with such a handsome guy who is as equally twisted as she.) Her two Chihuahua's Flea and Chachi make hysterical cameos as well. hah

In other news, my voice session was last night and it went well. (or at least I think it did.) It only took about 15-20 minutes, which is not an unreasonable amount of time for a first time outing. I wish there was an anti-dork pill that one could take before such engagements, to calm the nerves and insecurities of performing a silly cartoon voice in front of a room of six strangers and being subject to scrutiny. Not that it turned out to be a bad thing. Not at all. Although I was incredibly self-conscious and subsequently sweating like a pig because of it. In all fairness, I should clarify that I couldn't see the 6 people. I was isolated in a booth - BUT - there was a camera on me - so they could see me. GAAAAH
I think at one point just before I began, there was a solitary moment where I thought "What the hell am I doing here?" and started to doubt myself. But then I countered that with... "You've got this huge chance to do what you've always wanted to do - now just show 'em what you got. They're expecting a professional, and only YOU know that you're an impostor." So I did it. And last night in bed I was lying there thinking about it and I kept giggling. Which was keeping poor Ted up. He asked me why I was giggling and I just had to tell him, it was one of the most fun things I've ever done. I loved it. What a great thing!
So now what? I'm going to pursue this. I mean really pursue it. And I'm saying it in my blog to make sure that I've got a few witnesses that I'm going to carry-out one of my infamous big ideas that I usually only talk about but never do. 'Cause THAT, my friends, THAT which I did last night is something that I could do for the rest of my life and always have fun doing it.
Phew! All this inspiration from voicing an animated Kit Kat bar for a website!! Who knew?
Now here's hoping they don't secretly recast/replace my part before the whole thing comes to fruition. hah

Anyhow, I should be thinkin' 'bout work. So I bid you a great weekend!

The song of the day is for my dad. Today would have been his 71st birthday and I'm grateful now that he instilled a love of country music in me. He'd be happy to know that, considering his love of HEE HAW aggravated me so much when I was a kid.

Turn It On, Turn It Up, Turn Me Loose - Dwight Yoakam

Well I'm back again
for another night
Of trying to break free from the sadness I can't lay to rest
This old honky-tonk
sure does feel like home
And the music and the laughter seem to soothe my loneliness

So turn it on,
turn it up,
turn me loose
From the memory that's driving me lonely, crazy and blue
It helps me forget her
so the louder the better
Hey mister, turn it on, turn it up, turn me loose

Now if a tear should fall,
if I should whisper her name
To some stranger I'm holdin' while we're dancin' to an old Buck Owens' song
I know she won't mind,
she won't even know
'Cause she'll be dancing with a memory crying teardrops of her own

So turn it on,
turn it up,
turn me loose
From the memory that's driving me lonely, crazy and blue
It helps me forget her
so the louder the better
Hey mister, turn it on, turn it up, turn me loose

So turn it on,
turn it up,
turn me loose
From the memory that's driving me lonely, crazy and blue
It helps me forget her
so the louder the better
Hey mister, turn it on, turn it up, turn me loose
Yeah mister, turn it on, turn it up, turn me loose

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Peanuts n' Carrots n' Concerts n' Stuff

I had no idea that salted peanuts tasted quite so good when eaten with raw baby carrots. Chalk that up to unlikely taste sensations. Very enjoyable. (Part of my lunch today)

O-tay folks... my voice session has been delayed due to the root of all evil: clients. But only for a few days while they agree upon the final draft of the script. Rest-assured that when this is all up n' running I will most assuredly post a link to the website on which my voice is featured. (even if it sucks, I promise.)

We tried and failed to go to the movies on Monday night, and I'm beginning to think that Ted and I subconsciously block our own efforts to get to the theatre. The last movie we saw, was The Hitcher. Which was one of those hilarious horror movies that isn't intentionally funny. That being said, we've failed to see a movie of any calibre of quality in a VERY long time. Unfortunate stuff. But the movie we were supposed to see on Monday was "I Think I Love My Wife" starring Chris Rock. My station had the premiere so it was free. But being a dolt, I didn't think to exchange the voucher for actual tickets in advance, so by the time Ted got downtown the feature was sold-out. D'oh! Can't even get my shit together enough for a free movie.

Ah well.

I made a mental note to start documenting concerts I've seen (there have been quite a few) because of the dialogue that arose from my talking about the Scissor Sisters (at length) last week. I love talking about music, so please, by all means: leave comments about the concerts that you've seen if the spirit so moves you. It's fun to know what music people are into, no matter what the genre.

In no particular order whatsoever... I have seen... U2, Garbage, Madonna, Janet Jackson, Usher, Mariah Carey, Our Lady Peace, The Tea Party, Jill Scott (twice), Erykah Badu (terrible live), Queen Latifah, Faith Evans, Whitney Houston, Prince (twice), Amy Grant, Imogen Heap, Jann Arden (twice), Harry Connick Jr, Lucy Pearl, Melissa Etheridge, Sarah McLachlan, Nelly Furtado, Michael Buble, Bush, Scissor Sisters (of course) and that's all I can think of for now, but I think there's more. If I had to pick a favourite, it would have to be Prince. There's nothing quite like a stadium concert goin' all intimate and interactive, which is exactly what he managed to do both times I saw him. Additionally, Prince is perhaps one of the most underrated guitar players ever. The man is brilliant.

Anyhoo, listing off the concerts that I've seen isn't nearly as interesting as I thought it might be. hah Tell me who you've seen. Share!

Song of the day goes out to my mom, who's birthday was yesterday. (Still haven't spoken but I did send a package/card.) Happy Birthday Squirrelly Shirley. I love you in spite of our differences.

Razor's Edge - Gary Chapman

In this turbulence
That we're flying through,
I just can't fix my eyes on what I love in you.
Yet in the calm of the storm's eye,
I know that there are reasons
why we still must try.

Rummage through memories
piecing together
worn tattered fabrics
of love that remains.

When the voice of love has drowned,
still we'll hear our silent pledge.
Though we find no common ground,
we'll learn to love on a razor's edge.

And our hearts are moved
with the ebb and the flow,
As I try to drop my anchor in this truth we know.
For the depths of love
that I have for you
lie beneath the stormy surface
that we're learning to subdue.

Oh calm the waters,
quiet the tempest,
Bring forth an unfaltering peaceful resolve.

(repeat chorus)

Love seeks a passage
through open wounds,
speaking a language
that comforts and heals.

(repeat chorus)

Monday, March 12, 2007

Quick Hoorah!

I haven't got time for a full-blown post, 'cause work is crazy busy today, but I just had to shout "YAY Me" from the internet roof-tops!

Y'know that audition I talked about a while back?? (see "Casanova Monkey in Da House" post)

I got the part! The voice session is tomorrow or Wednesday. More details to follow. (maybe later today depending on how handy I am with a shovel.)

Tickled and grateful! Woo hoo!

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Scissor Sisters Scissor Sisters Scissor Sisters

Say THAT 5 times fast. I know I can't. (a lisper's nightmare!!)

Things I learned about Scissor Sisters last night:

Front-man Jake Shears is WAY more hot in person than in any photo I've ever seen.

They ROCK live. OH... MY... GOD... BECKY! They ROCK live. I was half-expecting them to not be as good live as they are in the studio. Only because Jake sings falsetto A LOT, and sometimes people sing things in a lower key when it's live 'cause they can't hold the high notes the same. But that was not the case. It was amazing to hear him sing live.

Interesting/amusing stories.... Jake Shears lost his virginity in Toronto to a big, buff construction worker years ago. He said with a wily grin that if he was in the audience to meet him after the show. hah! ...their October concert was cancelled/rescheduled because their drummer threw his neck out and had a sac of spinal fluid formed on his neck that had to be surgically removed... ...at one of their concerts in Australia, a mother who brought her kids to the concert, wrote them a nasty letter to complain that they swore too much (funny considering the sexually explicit nature of their lyrics to begin with - but that wasn't the issue she had with them.) and she left with her kids in tow. (this lead to a very funny tirade in which they pretty much recited every cuss word they knew to the Toronto crowd last night)... ...and on a cute note Ms Annamatronic (front-woman for the band) told us all about their trip to Japan, where she performed a DJ set and had a cute little Japanese girl come up to her at the DJ booth to get her autograph and request the song "Healthy / Gorgeous". Hee

Good times. Probably the best small venue concert I've ever seen. (Right up there with the now-defunct Lucy Pearl). It was sold-out and packed. (Which I wasn't expecting.) And the crowd was just about as wild and diverse as the Scissor Sisters themselves. Had to love Jake's blue suit and visor combo too, complete with Mickey Mouse print. The concert was only about an hour and 20 minutes long - which would probably be my only complaint. But that's alright, since it was a weeknight after-all, and I breathed in waay to many second-hand vapours from nasty poppers and such. Tammy and I also got stuck behind this incredibly stinky man on our way out - but we survived.

I WILL see this band live again someday. Mark my words. Campy, vampy, glamourous, glistening-sweaty, rockin', disco fun!

"Ooh"

Some people say such awful things
I don't understand why they're so hateful
We don't need those diamond rings
Even though they look tasteful
Chichi parties
So important
Sink a fortune
High-class apartment
One or two ooh-oohs
Make you feel so good
It's not a threat to nobody
In fact the people should

Oooh
Don't you give me them blues
I got magic in my dancing shoes
Let me hear you say ooooh

When you talk sweet things in my ear
I get so hot inside I'm burning my clothes
Measure distances with tears
The tracks'll run for miles when I feel those
Mixed emotions
In your heart
Guilty feelings
You fall apart
One or two ooooh's
Nothing left to lose
I'm not a threat to nobody
Don't try and give me them blues

Oooh
Don't you give me them blues
I got magic in my dancing shoes
Let me hear you say ooooh

Say honey baby don't you know
Ain't got any money left to blow
Can't buy you no snow cone
Even when it's hot outside

Wanna make love show you what I can do
Pocket that rug and ride the groove
Just lemme go dance and give me no blues tonight

Oooh
Don't you give me them blues
I got magic in my dancing shoes
Let me hear you say ooooh

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Classy Honey Kissy Huggy Lovey Dovey Ghetto Princess

Guess where I'm going tonight???

Well OK... you don't have to guess, 'cause you stop in here for me to "tell" you stuff like "where I'm going tonight".

I'm going to see Scissor Sisters! HEE I cannot tell you how cool I think that is, and how much I'm looking forward to it. They're playing at the Kool Haus, and Tammy got us last-minute free tickets. (it's good to have friends in positions of power at successful radio stations.)

So at the moment I'm sitting at work and it's night-time. _s_P_o_O_K_y_
But truly it's not worth it to go home and have to turn around and come back downtown again. Admittedly I miss my boys. All 3 of them. And I miss my own potty. I don't like goin' poo at work, but god knows sometimes there's just no way around it. Whattaygonnado??
Too much information you say??? Yeah... like you never poo.

Digression, thy name is potty-talk.

On another topic.... have you ever noticed that there's a whole section of the greeting card market not being served by not catering to those who love their parents with a good dose of indifference? Of course you haven't. 'Cause normal people buy affectionate cards for their parents.
I looked at EVERY birthday card in the "Mothers" sections (and I say sections, because there are actually several) at Carleton Cards and left empty-handed, and then went to Hallmark to repeat the futile scouring exercise. I almost asked one of the customer service people if there was some secret rack in a secret cellar somewhere where they keep the cards for celebratory acknowledgement without full-blown sentimentality. I know what kind of look that would've gotten me.
So I picked a card with a bear and a rhyme that wasn't quite "trite", but not quite eloquent either. Condescending?? Perhaps. But it's the best I could do given the circumstances and the card industry's lack of demographic study for those of us who don't think their parents hung the moon. For those who might think I'm cold, rest assured that I wrote my own personal message inside to convey my own feelings. But the whole idea was to pick a card that didn't leave quite enough room to say a whole lot. For obvious reasons, filling the big empty void of a blank card wasn't an option either. (I'd run out of swear words. Ba Dum Bum. Just kidding.)

Hmmmm.... million dollar idea?? My own line of greeting cards.
"Skidmark: When you care enough to send... something that says very little."

Ahh well.

Song of the "Night" ...aaaaahhhhh.... it's nighttime.... clever huh? But of course it's Scissor Sisters.

"Filthy/Gorgeous"

When you're walkin' down the street
And the man tries to get your business
And the people that you meet
Want to open you up like Christmas

You gotta wrap your fuzzy with a big red bow
Ain't no sum bitch gonna treat me like a ho
I'm a classy honey kissy huggy lovey dovey ghetto princess

Cuz you're filthy
Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
Cuz you're filthy
Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
You're disgusting
Oooh, and you're nasty
And you can grab me
oooh, cuz you're nasty

When you're runnin' from a trick
And you trip on a hit of acid
You gotta work for the man
But your biggest moneymakers' flaccid

You gotta keep your shit together
With your feet on the ground
There ain't no-one gonna listen
If you haven't made a sound
You're an acid junkie college flunky dirty puppy daddy bastard

Cuz you're filthy
Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
Cuz you're filthy
Oooh, and I'm gorgeous
You're disgusting
Oooh, and you're nasty
And you can grab me
oooh, cuz you're nasty

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Anxiety Be Gone

The MOST horrible feeling in the entire gambit of emotions we human-folk can experience is anxiety. (at least in my opinion) I'm having the most inexplicable bout of anxiety today, and I really shouldn't. I don't even know why it's hitting me so hard, but I've basically got 3 things on my mind today. Training one of my co-workers to cover me while I'm away on vacation, getting the car sold, and what to do about my mom's birthday.

All of these things might seem simplistic on their own, but evidently I'm Captain Worrypants today, and thinking about them all at once does little to solve anything. Although... talkin' them out on your blog isn't the most exciting reading material so I won't delve too much with the exception of my mom's birthday which is coming up on the 13th of March. Ack, next Tuesday. Now for those of you who've been following along since January... I haven't spoken to my mom since the last time I mentioned doing so in my blog. (whenever that was) I'm not particularly thrilled to be the first to hold out the olive branch, but I'm going to anyway, because it's the right thing to do. And I'm not going to allow the perpetual silence to continue, even though I will no doubt wish I had once the dialogue is up and running. I say this only because her views and opinions on the topic of "gayness" (of which she has many) are not going to change.

I only had a sliver of hope when I embarked on this personal journey that she would grow and change. That sliver has sadly dissipated to whatever unit of measurement appropriately describes a "smidge more than nothing". This doesn't sadden me nearly as much as I thought it might, but it bolsters my belief that conflict and silence are all that can possibly play out between the two of us. And I'm going to set the first bout of conflict in motion by sending her a birthday card that she'll feel obliged to thank me for. Ahhh... breaking the silence.

I got an e-mail from my sister Cheryl the other day telling me that mom is convinced I don't care about her. Guilt tactics. Guilt tactics delivered by a middle-man. Silence is such a luxury when you're dealing with someone like my mom. Namely because since she doesn't listen, so you might as well be quiet 'cause it's not like she's going to hear anything but white-noise and evil coming out of your sound-minded, misguided-liberal mouth. -sigh-

Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. I'm grateful that she knows. I'm grateful that she loves me and always has. And I'm grateful that I didn't let the chance go by to give her the opportunity to truly know me. I also have to be grateful for the way I was raised because everything I've learned or been-through has made me who I am. Right? Right.

I like thinking positive.

Song of the day: one of my FAVOURITE artists... Jill Scott. With a strength of spirit, and an amazing talent to write such profound wisdom into her lyrics with simplicity and joy. And sing it all so effortlessly. Jill Scott's music is food for your soul. This is "Golden"

I'm taking my freedom,
Pulling it off the shelf,
Putting it on my chain,
Wear it around my neck,

I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my car,
Wherever I choose to go,
It will take me far,

[Chorus]
I'm livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden, [X3]
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,
Livin' my life like it's golden, [X4]
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,

I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it in my song,
Singing loud and strong,
Grooving all day long,

I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my stroll,
I'll be high-steppin' y'all,
Letting the joy unfold,

[Chorus]

I'm holding on to my freedom,
Can't take it from me,
I was born into it,
It comes naturally,

I'm strumming my own freedom,
Playing the god in me,
Representing his glory,
Hope he's proud of me,

[Chorus]
[Bridge]
I'm living my life like its golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, [X2]
[Chorus]

Livin' my life like it's golden,It really matters to me, Ohhh

Monday, March 05, 2007

Chaka Khar III

Weekend: gone.
One of the things I wanted to talk about on Friday, was just how close Ted and I were to getting a hybrid car. Now I'm happy to report that it has come to pass. We're proud "leasers" of a 2007 Toyota Camry Hybrid. Her name is Chaka Khar (the third) and she's very likely going to be blue (but maybe red, depending on availability). Isn't she pretty? And fuel-efficient at 1000kms or more per tank. Yeah, I know we've only had our last car for 3 years, but this is quite simply the more responsible vehicle for us. Bearing that in mind, we're quite hurried to get a potential buyer or someone to take-over our lease on our current car. We've got 2-6 weeks before the Camry arrives. So if you're reading this and in the market for a babied, immaculately maintained 2004 Acura TSX, please give me a shout. It's fully loaded (leather & titanium interior/6-speed manual transmission/6-disc CD changer/4-cylinder engine w 200hp/heated front seats/power everything including driver seat/heated mirrors/all 4 windows & sunroof) and within the allotted kilometres on our lease at 76,000. 11 months left on the lease. Oh, and it's also blue. A blue very similar to our new car. (with the possible exception of it being red - hee)
We've been hybrid shopping since December and finally decided that the Camry was our best bet. Although we did come close to choosing the Nissan Altima Hybrid. (decidedly more handsome than the Camry) But the Camry won-out for it's larger trunk (Hybrids are sadly lacking in trunk space because of the battery) and the Toyota track record. The Altima is Nissan's first attempt at a hybrid, whereas Toyota's been making them for 15 years or more.
Ted wanted the Camry from his first test-drive. But it was a bit harder for me to accept it, since it has a big tumor on the hood where the "T" emblem is. To me it looks warty and bulbous. Something I'm more inclined to overlook on it's cuter, smaller sibling the Yaris. 'Cause on the Yaris it's a cute lil meep-beep nose. On the Camry... it's something you try not to look at while you're speaking to it so as not to be insensitive. But... it's a small sacrifice (even if it just begs for reconstructive surgery). At any rate, we're both very excited about the new car, and among the many, many perks of getting a Camry are the stereo (which sounds sublime) and the $2000 rebate we'll get from the government. (Which we'll then sink back into the car, but that's beside the point.) So yeah - YAY!
On the reality TV front. I'd like to emphasize for anyone NOT watching Survivor and/or the Amazing Race... you should. No really, you should be watching. Survivor for one, has not been this cut-throat and nasty since the Pearl Islands edition. You've got 2 tribes living in complete opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of prosperity, morale and desperation. They hate one another and it's seething, competitive, feed-you-to-the-sea-snakes tangible hatred. At times it's uncomfortable, but some really heated conflicts are on the way (I can just feel them coming) and you can tell there will be villains emerging from all sides. It makes things edgy and engaging - which is good since they're noticeably short on the man-candy this season. If you can't have one, you'd better have the other. hee And Amazing Race has been incredibly FUNNY and fast-paced so far this season. Since all the teams have done this before, and they've all obviously been picked to do it again because of their colourful personalities, it's been top-notch. Absolutely nobody is boring to watch. Some, competitors are inane and painfully inept, but they do funny, stupid things so it's all good. Last night the Kentucky miner couple got eliminated with little fan-fare. I'd like to say I'm sad to see them go, but really, they were out of their league and it's a wonder they lasted 3 legs of the race. Rob n Ambah won for the 3rd time in a row which is a bit maddening, but hey... they evidently have what it takes. It could get old mighty fast if nobody takes them down a few pegs, but we shall see.
Song of the day is a good driving tune in honour of new cars and less greenhouse gases.
"Real Gone" by Sheryl Crow.
I'm American made but I like Chevrolet
My momma taught me wrong from right.
I was born in the South
Sometimes I have a big mouth
When I see something that I don't like
I gotta say it.
Well, we've been driving this road for a mighty long time
Paying no mind to the signs
Well, this neighborhood's changed
It's all been rearranged
We left that team somewhere behind.
Slow down, you're gonna crash,
Baby you're a-screaming it's a blast, blast, blast
Look out babe, you've got your blinders on
Everybody's looking for a way to get real gone
Real gone.
Real gone.
But there's a new cat in town
He's got high-faded friends
Thinks he's gonna change history
You think you know him so well
Yeah you think he's so swell
But it's just a front you wait and see
Slow down, you're gonna crash,
Baby you're a-screaming it's a blast, blast, blast
Look out, you've got your blinders on
Everybody's looking for a way
To get real gone
Real gone.
Real gone.
Real gone.
Uhh.
Well you can say what you want
But you can't say it 'round here
'Cause they'll catch you and give you a whippin'
Well, I believe I was right when I said you were wrong
You didn't like the sound of that
Now, did ya?
Slow down, you're gonna crash,
Baby you're a-screaming it's a blast, blast, blast
Look out, you've got your blinders on
Everybody's looking for a way to get real gone
Well here I come and I'm so not scared,
Got my pedal to the metal, got my hands in the air
Look out, you take your blinders off
Everybody's looking for a way to get real gone
Real gone.
Real gone.
Ooh.
Real gone.
Real gone.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Casanova Monkey in Da House

Soooo many things to Blog... and evidently so little time set aside to Blog it.

I don't quite know where to begin, but in a nutshell, things are good. Life is good. March will be the month that I get this demo tape of mine put together. My cousin Deborah who lives in California has offered to pass it along to a connection of hers in Los Angeles in June, and I have every intention of being ready for that well-ahead of schedule. (Thanks Deborah!) In the same vein, I got my first voice audition this week (thanks yet-again to my friend Tammy). The part I'm vying for is a Casanova monkey with a voice along the lines of Antonio Banderas. I was given a clip of the latest Kit Kat Singles TV commercial and asked to recreate it as closely as I possibly could. (I will try to post my clip here somehow) I haven't heard anything yet, but should they choose me, I'll have a recording session at the Rogers studios sometime next week. Fingers crossed.

Wednesday was Porthos' first birthday, and for the first time in my life, I found myself at doggie birthday party. To celebrate, both Cole and Porthos were each given a hamburger patty from the neighbourhood greasy spoon. And to repay us for our thoughtfulness, Porthos was farting up a storm for the 12 hours immediately following his birthday feast. His auntie Tammy spoiled him rotten with a box of doggie baked goods from Barks & Fitz and he got a brand new kennel club ducky from his daddies. Oh... and a pail of chicken jerky (to be dispensed sparingly).

Our trip to Aspen in April is now fast-approaching and with it comes the need to get someone trained to adequately cover for me at work. Come to think of it, I don't recall mentioning that Ted and I are going to Denver as part of his work incentives program. Last year it was St John in the Virgin Islands. The year before that it was Los Cabos, Mexico. We're the tiniest bit bummed that it's not a sunny destination, but since you get treated like a king by his company while you're in their care on these shin-digs, we're not going to be disappointed. Ted's already signed us up for snow mobiling and a cooking class while we're there. Surely there will be more activity. Sadly, skiing isn't high on my list of priorities as I'm afraid to die. (I blame Sonny Bono.) But, I'm really looking forward to being up in the mountains. It'll only be the second time I've seen mountains. (the first being a trip to Vancouver 2 years ago) I love the whole wilderness, ice-peaked view thing. I'm just not keen on hurtling down one with a pair of sticks strapped to my feet. Call it a "fat guy with a bad back" phobia. I will however be the best damned "chalet bunny who ever scoped all the hot men in ski pants" that Colorado's ever seen.

Blah, I've got lots more to talk about, but thanks to all works interruptions (how dare they) I'm unable to finish for now. More details before the weekend's out I hope.

Song of the day is "My Stupid Mouth" by John Mayer. (for my own personal reasons - I can relate today.)

My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what just slipped out and what went wrong

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting
now

One more thing
Why is it my fault
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now