Open Letter to Scooter

Tomorrow we meet again for dinner, and precious time spent together. You have no idea how much it means to me.

I wish you could see me the way I see you.

I wish my love were tangible and enveloping.

I wish I could properly convey how beautiful you are and how you consume me. I wish my words could be spoken. I wish you could know how I ache for you, only so you'd know how deep it goes and how safe you would be with me. How I long to keep you safe and give you everything I have to offer.

My love is so true.

It's so real.

It's so unrealized and forlorn. I wait for you.

I wait for you to see me and to love me back without any doubt or fear of abandonment.

I wait for you.

Or I wait for some other man to free me from the sad delusion I suffer from, that my waiting will be with reason and that we would be strong and true together.

Such a delusion. Like you can't break "broken".

I love you so much.
So deep.
So relentless.
So nurturing.
With such lust.
With such single-sighted longing.
With such a desire to think of you as my family.

I love you.

I love you.

Though it may yet break me.
Though you may never love me back.
I love you still.