Cocky Ozzy, Lacking Janet, and Daddy Johnny

Alrighty, I'm up to speed on Survivor. Ozzy's getting kinda cocky, which is a little bit disappointing, since I'd come to think he was above that. Anyhoo... seems he's not. Chet is gone, and deservedly so. He seemed like a truly nice man, but he certainly was reinforcing some negative stereotypes about gay-folk and that makes me antsy. He exited with incredible grace though. I love it when people give a well-thought-out departure speech. Hell... he does have a lot to be proud about I suppose. I for one would feel an incredible sense of accomplishment for outlasting Gorilla Joel. I was a little disappointed that Jonathan went home, and I actually felt a little teary with compassion. He hasn't been nearly as obnoxious this season, and to be taken-out by an injury really must suck. I knew he was going to have to leave though. That was a huge gash in his knee, and you can't just slap a bandage on something like that under those living conditions. It would be painful in the most sterile of environments, never mind all the filth that the contestants live in for 39 days. I'm not yet certain of who I'm rooting for to take home the prize. At this point I'll be surprised if it's a fan. They seem to be an endangered species. But things can always change. If I hadn't watched last season, I think I'd be cheering for James (to get an underwear modelling contract among other things) because he's been portrayed as pretty subdued and good-natured this season. Sadly, I still don't like him very much. The wonders they can create with editing huh? I'm sure Parvarti enjoys being portrayed as the village harlot for example, but she gives them lots of footage to work with. This much is certain.

Anyhoo, enough about Survivor for now.

With regards to the "Janet" night on Friday. We had a great time. But I was under the distinct impression that it was going to be all Janet music all night. This was not the case. And so the consensus was that the music was a little weak 'cause it wasn't at all what we were expecting. I'm thinking maybe the DJ didn't have a complete catalog of her music. I on the other hand; do. And would be only so happy to put together an entire evening of ass-shakin' Janet tunes. Heaven knows she's got the repertoire.

This weekend with the nephews and nieces turned-out to be a lot of fun. Nathan (the youngest nephew) was my biggest fan for some reason and I actually started feeling pangs of paternal instincts and the desire to have a child. Luckily it passed. But I have to say; there's an awful lot of appeal in the thought of potentially raising a child to be empowered and full of love for him/herself and others, and teaching the importance of kindness, respect and grace among other virtues. I rarely ever think to myself "Gee, I'd be a great dad." ...But sometimes....

To that end... the lyrics to "Lullaby for Wyatt" by Sheryl Crow. A song she wrote for her adopted son. It's beautiful. Happy St. Patrick's Day all!

The world could fall apart
But you're my heart, my dear
I will sing this song
'Til we are gone, my dear

How do I keep you from losing your way
Hope you'll go out and you'll come back some day
But love is letting go
And this I'll know
Cause you were mine
For a time

I could shape your mind
But why waste time, my dear
There's so much more to know
Than I can show you dear

How do I keep you from losing your way
Hope you'll go out and you'll come back some day
But love is letting go
And this I'll know
Cause you were mine
For a time

I have held you close
And breathed your name, my dear
I was with you then
And will remain, my dear

How do I keep you from losing your way
Hope you will find love like I did some day
But love is letting go
And this I'll know

Cause you were mine
For a time

Hi

Well... let the grand experiment begin. I'm giving up Facebook for a month. (gasp)

The grandest purpose of which: to stop living my life online. And here I sit and blog again, irony withstanding.

I think I've found my voice again, although I can't promise it'll always make it's way to this medium.

This has been the most difficult winter of my life, and it seems fitting that on a sunny Sunday morning, waiting for the dog food to hydrate, pining for more sleep and smarting from a very lonely Saturday night, that I just start anew with this blog.

I've been off making friends online with the hopes that those connections would translate into real, living, breathing friendships... with mixed results. And I've learned that there's not much sense in amassing a large group of friends if they're only going to equate to a big bunch of pen-pals who communicate via the digital equivalent of cyber post-it notes. It's not meaningful enough for me, and I can honestly say I've never felt more isolated and alone. Chalk another one up to what I missed-out on in my youth. Luckily I think my learning curve is much shorter now. Let's hope.

Since I last blogged (faithfully) I've gone through a very tumultuous time in my personal life. I'm now seeing not one, but two therapists, to try and wrap my brain around my depression and where it comes from.... why it's so debilitating and how to step beyond it.

For those of you who might be worried, Ted and I are still together and I won't speak for him, but for all the hard times we've been through, I'm convinced that we can -and will- love each other unconditionally for the rest of our lives. That in itself is more than just a comfort, but a life-affirming fact that we have something very precious.

Anyhoo... my self-imposed silence is at an end I think.

And with that, a return to tradition: if you haven't picked-up "Detours" the new Sheryl Crow album... do so... post haste!

Love Is All There Is

Everyone is talking about me
How my heart is broken
But they don’t see

When you’re lonely inside
The world looks so carefree
When you’re lonely inside
You just can’t see

Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
All I really know for certain, babe
Is that Love Is All There Is

Every now and then
There comes a time
Someone comes along
to change your mind

You believe it’s unwise
To give in to careless dreams
You believe it’s a prize
You’ll never win

Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
All I really know for certain, babe
Is that Love Is All There Is

You believe it’s unwise
To give in to careless dreams
If you don’t see that is why
You will never know

Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
All I really know for certain, babe
Is that Love Is All There Is

My Life in Bullets: the Half-Assed Update

- the trip to Montreal was awesome. Only got a little bit lost. Wedding was beautiful. I'm in love with Montreal, but too fat to live there. It's full of beautiful, beautiful men.

- Ted's sister Crissy and the whole fam-damily are staying with us this week. Our apartment just seems to feel smaller and smaller with each passing day. (Not that I don't love seeing them.)


- Went to see The Simpsons Movie last night. Very funny stuff. Top of their game. That being said, I don't think I'd watch it again anytime soon. Which means Ted (who couldn't come with us) will have to find a date to see it.

- My neck is smurfed. And by smurfed I mean fucked. I can barely move my head. Not looking good for the trip to Canada's Wonderland tomorrow. (taking the day off too. :( )

That's all for now folks. I realize this is "riveting" stuff, but it may have been a tad more interesting had I the time to elaborate, which I don't because of work and just stuff.

If you're reading this, I hope you're happy and well, and that summer isn't passing you by nearly as fast as it seems to be whipping past me. Hmmmm... maybe that's why my neck is smurfed: Whiplash???

"Steve McQueen" by Sheryl Crow (This is a hot summer tune. Love it.)

Well I went to bed in Memphis
And I woke up in Hollywood
I got a quarter
in my pocket
And I'd call you if I could
But I don't know why
I gotta fly
I wanna rock and roll this party
I still wanna have some fun
I wanna leave you feeling breathless
Show you how the west was won
But I gotta fly
I gotta fly

[CHORUS:]
Like Steve McQueen
All I need's a fast machine
I'm gonna make it all right
Like Steve McQueen
Underneath your radar screen
You'll never catch me tonight

I ain't takin' shit off no one
Baby that was yesterday
I'm an all American rebel
Making my big getaway
Yeah you know it's time
I gotta fly

[CHORUS]

We got rockstars in the Whitehouse
All our pop stars look like porn
All my heroes hit the highway
They don't hang out here no more

Oh you can call me on my cell phone
You can page me all night long
But you won't catch this freebird
I'll already be long gone
Like Steve McQueen
All we need's a fast machine
And we're gonna make it all right