Paranoia Will Destroia

Vacations are supposed to be restful and restorative. That's why we take them... ...to get away from everything that causes us stress and fatigue. I know this because I've been on vacation before and enjoyed myself profusely.
The lead-up to this particular vacation is making me wish a) we weren't going at all and b) that it was already over and done with. I'm sure I won't feel that way while we're ON vacation. But for now.... I am S_t_R_e_S_s_e_D.
Did you know that "doom" has a scent?? An actual, tangible, smell?? What does doom smell like you say? Well it's best described as the feeling one gets when one has to train a completely green person (...no, not a Leprechaun - although they have a scent of their own) to do one's job with accuracy, with not nearly enough time... due to financial restraints and "watching the budget". Doom also smells distinctly of fresh strawberries n' cream topped with battery acid.
Yes, I smell doom and cat-ass-trophy. Since I'm trying to stay positive... I'm hoping, wishing and praying to unknown deities that I will not return to complete chaos and smoldering ruins where my desk once was. ...Wait a minute. ...Would that REALLY be such a bad thing?
But that's not the only reason why I'm S_t_R_e_S_s_e_D.
With vacation time, comes the need to leave our precious babies in the care of others. Cole is singularly MISERABLE when we're away, even though he should know the routine by now. Porthos is new to the whole thing so I'm certain he will adapt, but I am concerned that he will misbehave, and by misbehave I mean LARGE. 'Cause he's not big on listening or doing things he doesn't want to do. I'm concerned also because we're leaving them in the care of a household of cigarette smokers and I'm not crazy about knowing their little lungs with be subjected to that. And the list goes on and on.

I'm a worrier. Sometimes it's justified, but more than often it's not. Ted can attest to this because he's not a worrier (usually) and most of the time it baffles him that I dwell on worst case scenarios when I should be enjoying the view (per say). ie: I OBSESS over locking doors and securing things from theft, to the point of making sure the apartment door is locked when I do something as simple as taking laundry down to the laundry room in the basement of our building. ie: I lock the car doors when we're pulling up to an intersection if I see any people mulling about. ie: I prefer to pack the car for a road trip in the middle of the night so people won't see us and know that we're going to be away. It's ridiculous and compulsive on top of all that. But it explains a lot when wondering why the time leading up to the joyous occasion of a vacation (a FREE one at that) has me thinking of ways I could stay home just so the status quo is not disturbed and I can keep an eye on things. BLAH... my mom would say that's a lineage and I'd have to reluctantly agree with her. That kind of thinking is what prevented my grandparents from going anywhere... just locked-up in their house, afraid the neighbours were going to pillage everything they owned. Where the fuck does that mentality come from and how is it passed down like red hair & freckles to grand children? If anyone knows... please e-mail me.

At any rate, I usually tell Ted I'm paranoid from growing up in Kingston. (C'mon... there ARE like 6 or 7 penitentiaries there... I do have a little bit of justification I suppose.) I remember when they first introduced/imposed fines in Kingston for leaving your car unattended with the doors unlocked because it was too easy for escaped cons to use them as getaway cars. And I always had it drilled into me that the convicts families were always just as bad, if not worse than the person in jail and they inevitably all moved to Kingston while their loved-one (accomplice)(ha) was doing time. I have no idea whether this has any statistical bearing to back it up or not. But I do know, Kingston was a rough little town. Looking back now, I don't think I feared for my life nearly as much as I fear I will succumb to someones bad breath on a Toronto subway. But that's not the point.

I will get through my vacation. My job will get through my vacation. Our dogs will get through our vacation. And everything will be fine.

Yes. Yes it will.

On a happier note, Ted's picking up the new car tonight. YAY!! ...Although we didn't manage to sell the Acura. BOOO!! But this is it. No more ring-around-the-rosey car leasing. We stick with the Camry to the end-of-term. I'm looking forward to taking it on some kind of errand this evening, knowing that we've cut our CO2 emissions in half (and then some). Upon careful consideration, we thought it was appropriate to name the Camry "Shocka Car" given it's hybrid-electric guts, as opposed to "Chaka Khar" the third. It's one of those things that only we will find funny. And I can live with that.

Lots of stuff going on over the next 2 weeks, so I don't know how often I'll be blogging, if at all but things should be back to normal by April 9th and I'll be full of charming little anecdotes about vacations and family visits and my plot to destroy the Easter bunny. No wait. Forget that last part. No one must know, or the rabbit may prevail.

Lots o' Love,

John.

OH... and tomorrow is Rosie O'Donnell's birthday... I always remember that because it's our anniversary. "Happy Anniversary Me & Ted"! 11 Years, and a love that endures and grows.

Song of the day is from the CD "A Love Supreme"; one of my must-have desert island favourites)

Thank You for Lovin' Me - Chante Moore

This mellow jam, is for the one, who knows me from the inside,
he always comes around, when I wear a frown, and lifts me up from the down side.
Savin' the best for later on, is his specialty,
just wanna take time out to say, thank you for lovin' me.

For every sweet little word you say,
thank you baby, thank you baby,
this uncontrollable smile on my face,
thank you baby, thank you baby,
thank you for givin' good love to me,
constantly, constantly,
just wanna take time out to say,
thank you for lovin' me.

Can't figure out how he keeps on givin' me good love,
(after good love, after good love), (after good love, after good lovin') like it ain't nothin', no.
He can look right in my eyes and see, if I'm truly happy,
I say with all sincerity,
thank you for lovin' me.

When everything in my world, seems like it's all going wrong,
and I'm feeling so heavy, heavy.
And my way I cannot see, it seems like no one, no one, no one loves me,
I know that you love me for all that you say,
and in every little thing you do,
thank (thank you baby) you!

I can't explain why you give your love,
all I know it's all I've ever dreamed of,
and the more you give, the more it seems I begin to live.
And when the morning comes,
I see the sun rushing through our window,
all I can do is say thank you, thank you for lovin' me.

For every sweet little word you say, thank you baby, thank you baby,
this uncontrollable smile on my face, thank you baby, thank you baby,
thank you for givin' good love to me, constantly, constantly,
just wanna take time out to say, thank you for lovin' me.
For every sweet little word you say, thank you baby, thank you baby,
this uncontrollable smile on my face, thank you baby, thank you baby,
thank you for givin' good love to me, constantly, constantly,
just wanna take time out to say, thank you for lovin' me.