March is Family Month (unofficially)

Gaah... the week... this dreadfully long week is almost at a close. I've been waking up every morning wishing it was Saturday, or wishing for just another half hour of sleep at the very least. Neither happened. Go figure.

In addition to the aforementioned visit from my niece, it warrants mentioning that both Ted's nieces and nephews have been in Toronto this week and we've spent quite a bit of time with them. This weekend we'll be seeing even more of them, 'cause they'll be staying with us. All four of them, plus Mel. Then on Sunday all but Rachel will be going home. Rachel's Ted's eldest niece. She'll be staying with us until Thursday when we drive up to Timmins for the weekend. Action packed. We've promised to take her to a drag show at one of the gay bars downtown, so that should be fun. hee hee

Tonight Ted and I are steppin' out to a nightclub called "Fly" for their Janet Jackson night. Yup... all Janet, all night. I've been looking forward to it for almost a month now. And no... I'm not one to go to nightclubs. But we went to a Kylie Minogue night in December at the same club and had so much fun, we just couldn't resist an evening of Janet. Never mind the fact that we'll be two of the oldest and fattest people in the club. But screw it. We're there for the music. Not to impress anyone.

In the meantime... I need a nap.

I'd post the lyrics to a Janet song from her new album. But the video for Feedback is infinitely more entertaining than the lyrics to any of her songs. Yes. I said it. And I'm a life-long fan. Anyhoo... enjoy!!!

A Weekend in March

Sometimes life throws you a bone just when you need it and in a way you never would have expected.


I've known for weeks now that my niece Shannon was going to come and visit me. And in the interim, there's been a big part of me that was looking forward to it, and an even bigger part of me that was dreading it. I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't succumb to the latter and cancel the visit before it happened.


As I've mentioned previously, this has been a really difficult winter for me. I've been on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown for weeks since the end of January. So it goes without saying that I haven't been feeling very social, or capable. Thus, stepping into the role of "good uncle" or even "stable adult", gave me great pause. 'Cause you want to put on your best, brave face and show your visitors a good time, whether family or friend, and I wasn't sure I was up to the task.

Guess what though? I didn't need to be. Because my niece has grown into a very beautiful, intelligent, and capable young woman. One that I've found a new admiration for. It took us very little time to find our common ground and bond as families should, and I discovered very quickly how nice it is to have a friend and ally in your bloodline. Her boyfriend Andrew is nothing short of a wonderful young guy, with a good head on his shoulders and Shannon's love and best interests at heart. I really can't quite put into words how much I enjoyed their visit and how good it was for me to connect with family at long last.

Amidst the late night take-out Chinese food, conversations that lasted well-beyond bedtime and the most brutal snowstorm in recent history, I discovered a family member who has never stopped loving me, even though I ran away. In fact, she understood "why" I had to, and shared the stories of why she's taken a similar path through similar circumstances. I learned about her family life. She learned about mine. And we bonded over the realization that you can survive and come out on the other side a well-adjusted and "good" person, even when you forsake what you've been taught to revere. ...It doesn't hurt that we shared a good cry all the way through a viewing of "The Notebook", as well. Vulnerability can be very endearing.

Ted was thrilled to invite members of my family into our home. Something we've done so rarely over the course of 12 years. I think that he enjoyed Shannon and Andrew's visit very much. And I know Shannon has always thought the world of him. I was very touched by her curiousity about our relationship... ie: how Ted and I met, whether or not we'd ever get married, things we've been through... etc.

I'm extremely grateful to have had the opportunity get to know my niece. I hope I adequately expressed just how welcome she is in my life, and my home. She's a blessing and a delight and I could only hope to have the opportunity to get to know her sister, brother and cousin in the same way. It's very surreal to realize your nephew and nieces are busy becoming spectacular adults. It makes me regret how much of their childhoods I've missed, but it also gives me hope that their opinions of me aren't shaped or formed by the same, oppressive upbringing that I had.
It makes me feel like I have ties to who my family is, and that I'm still a part of something bigger than my own isolated life.

Chantal Kreviazuk - Time

Time,
Where did you go?
Why did you leave me here
alone?
Wait,
Don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments
As they pass

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world's
Getting clearer
So wait for me
this time

I’m down
I’m down on my knees
I’m begging for all
your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion)
You don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people
everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you)

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
and the world's
getting clearer
I’ll take
what you give me.
Please know
that I’m learning
So wait
for me this time

I should’ve known better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I’m going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)

I’ll take
What you give me.
Please know
That I’m learning
I’ve looked
In the mirror
My world’s
Getting clearer
So wait
for me
this time

My Life in Bullets: the Half-Assed Update

- the trip to Montreal was awesome. Only got a little bit lost. Wedding was beautiful. I'm in love with Montreal, but too fat to live there. It's full of beautiful, beautiful men.

- Ted's sister Crissy and the whole fam-damily are staying with us this week. Our apartment just seems to feel smaller and smaller with each passing day. (Not that I don't love seeing them.)


- Went to see The Simpsons Movie last night. Very funny stuff. Top of their game. That being said, I don't think I'd watch it again anytime soon. Which means Ted (who couldn't come with us) will have to find a date to see it.

- My neck is smurfed. And by smurfed I mean fucked. I can barely move my head. Not looking good for the trip to Canada's Wonderland tomorrow. (taking the day off too. :( )

That's all for now folks. I realize this is "riveting" stuff, but it may have been a tad more interesting had I the time to elaborate, which I don't because of work and just stuff.

If you're reading this, I hope you're happy and well, and that summer isn't passing you by nearly as fast as it seems to be whipping past me. Hmmmm... maybe that's why my neck is smurfed: Whiplash???

"Steve McQueen" by Sheryl Crow (This is a hot summer tune. Love it.)

Well I went to bed in Memphis
And I woke up in Hollywood
I got a quarter
in my pocket
And I'd call you if I could
But I don't know why
I gotta fly
I wanna rock and roll this party
I still wanna have some fun
I wanna leave you feeling breathless
Show you how the west was won
But I gotta fly
I gotta fly

[CHORUS:]
Like Steve McQueen
All I need's a fast machine
I'm gonna make it all right
Like Steve McQueen
Underneath your radar screen
You'll never catch me tonight

I ain't takin' shit off no one
Baby that was yesterday
I'm an all American rebel
Making my big getaway
Yeah you know it's time
I gotta fly

[CHORUS]

We got rockstars in the Whitehouse
All our pop stars look like porn
All my heroes hit the highway
They don't hang out here no more

Oh you can call me on my cell phone
You can page me all night long
But you won't catch this freebird
I'll already be long gone
Like Steve McQueen
All we need's a fast machine
And we're gonna make it all right

Timmins and Timbaland

The Tedster and I are back from a weekend away in Timbuktu (aka Timmins, Ontario). It never ceases to amaze me what a dreary, crumbling, s**thole it is. (Sorry N@, and anyone else who's from there.) In defense of the dreary, crumbling, s**thole... I must add that I only lived there for a little over 2 years, so maybe my assessment is a little more harsh than someone who enjoys living in a dreary, crumbling s**thole... and there are many who enjoy Timmins. Hey... if people actually live there... there must be redeeming qualities, right? I'm not an outdoorsy type person, so that's probably an automatic 3 strikes against me right there.

So why do we make the trip up there twice a year?? To visit 2 of Ted's sisters and their families. There's no other reason "to" go really. It's not like you just hop in the car for 8 hours of twisty, wilderness highways for the Goldmine Tour, or the Shania Twain Museum, and certainly not for the weather.

Anyhow... the visit was pleasant, although Ali was away camping for the better part of the weekend, and Crissy had to work both days that we weren't travelling. (A four-day weekend in Timmins really boils down to 2 days, since 2 of those days are spent driving and recovering from the driving.) So, for me; it's kind of been a "salvage the positive aspects" kind of weekend because most of the time I was bored. I pride myself in enjoying boredom in almost any other scenario, but "Timmins Bored", is beyond the usual "cherish-nothing-to-do" bored. There is truly nothing to do. But I did get a lot of fresh air, and the dogs love it up there, so yeah... that's a lot of what was salvaged.

Ted and I also made a lone journey out to his mother's grave in Whitney Cemetery. (Porcupine, Ontario folks.... yes... that's the name of a town.) That's always sad but somehow edifying. It's such a beautiful place for a cemetery beside a lake with absolutely nothing around. Ted's mom has been gone since December 25th, 1995 and it seems like a lifetime ago even though it's only been 12 years. I couldn't help but wonder how our lives would have been different had she lived. The thought of having parents in our lives is pretty foreign, and his mom was a wonderful, "family" woman. She most certainly would've had an active role and a positive influence. I only knew her for 4 months and she made me feel so welcome in their home. She knew that I was Ted's boyfriend, and she thought a lot of me and made no secret of it. I've had the good fortune of a couple of boyfriends with wonderful, accepting mothers. It's a good feeling and I remember them fondly.

At any rate, our visit wasn't ALL somber and uneventful. We also did a fair bit of drinking, which is something I haven't done in YEARS. I can't say I miss it, but we did have fun. It might seem a sad declaration to recall a family board game as the highlight of one's holiday weekend, but the family board games get quite vicious and therefore hysterical. We spent HOURS playing "Super Tock" with no one winning because it's more fun to just hunt down and foil your loved ones than it is to win. With a full compliment of players it's very fast-paced, and evil.

Sadly we forgot to bring the camera, so we missed-out on countless photo-ops with Ted's nephews who are 3 (Nathan) and 4 (Zach). We went out to their camp site for a couple of hours, but it was so bloody cold there (they had snow on Saturday) we opted not to stay. We saw a lot of Rachel (Ted's oldest niece) and her boyfriend Aaron (such a cutie), but Sarah (Ted's youngest niece, she's 14) was pretty much AWOL for the weekend ...with friends. And as far as I know, Porthos is still sleeping off the experience after spending so much time with other dogs. (Both sisters have one each.)

Before drawing to a close here, I'd like to once-again thank the Apple dude that created the iPod. Road trips are so much better because of you. Yes. Yes they are.

Oh, and as an add-on to that. The Camry Hybrid was an absolute pleasure to drive. We're getting close to 900 kms on one tank of gas. Considering gas was $1.19 per litre in Timmins, this is a good thing. It was also comfortable and surprisingly ballsy on the highway. And it stands up really well in the face of Basset barf. (thank god we had a blanket down.)

Song in my head... is "Way I Are" by Timbaland. I won't bother with the lyrics, 'cause it's not like they're life-affirming in any way. But I have to recommend Timbaland Presents: Shock Value for anybody who enjoys some (but isn't limited to) slick hip-hop (and doesn't mind some dirrrrty lyrics). It's one of the best full-albums I've listened to in a long time. There's maybe only one or two tracks on the entire thing that I don't like. And Timbaland being more a reputable producer than performer, really mixes it up with guest artists and varying styles of music. And it works really well together. I especially like the songs he does with "Fall Out Boy" and "Elton John". It's really creative, and above all else: always rhythmic. Timbaland is a master of what sounds good. Plus there are some very socially relevant tracks on the album too, (it's not entirely without lyrical substance) like "Kill Yourself", which (by title alone) sounds bad, but it's an observation of hip hop culture and the social spiral it's in.

Very enjoyable CD. One of my new faves.