Waving from a Window While No One's Looking

Hey there folks,

Yet another month has gone by and I'm still not back to my regular, bloggy self. I wish I could say everything's peachy, but why wouldn't I be telling you all about the peachiness if life were peachy right? I'm all about sharing the peaches.

Truth is: I'm kind of circling the bowl with no real desire to document it. And it seems kind of fake to pretend that nothing's wrong and just blog about other stuff.
Eventually I'll get back to it. I promise. I've enjoyed blogging way to much to give it up entirely. I just don't know when it will be.

In the meantime, (and on a lighter note) this is a frickin' music month for me! Among the releases: Jill Scott, Melissa Etheridge, Chaka Khan, and Queen Latifah! Thus far I only have Melissa Etheridge, and sadly I STILL haven't just sat down and listened to it. But I've also picked up the new BeeGees greatest hits double-album, and I have to say the Teddybears remix of "Stayin' Alive" just f**king rocks. Also, finally picked up the greatest hits by Garbage... "Absolute". Absolute garbage... get it? Well anyway... I love the band even if their name couldn't be further from the truth about their music.

Also... watched a really cool movie called "Next" that I didn't really have high expectations for. When Nicolas Cage is starring in something, you know it's hit and miss. But it was really clever, sci-fi, with only a few plot holes easily ignored in the name of entertainment. It's full of detail though, and jumps around a lot, so you have to give it some extra attention in order to keep up. (or at least I did.) Anyhow... I was pleasantly surprised and it wasn't predictable.

I hope everyone reading this is happy and well. Sorry I've checked-out on ya.

"Tell Me Where It Hurts" by Garbage

What is my day going to look like?
What will my tomorrow bring me?
If I had x-ray eyes, I could see inside
I wouldn’t have to predict the future

I wish that you would do with some talking
How else am I to know what you’re thinking?
If only people would say what it really was
What it really was
What it really was that they wanted

Tell me where it hurts
to hell with everybody else
All I care about is you and that's the truth
They don't love me; I can tell
But you do, so they can go to hell

Did they ever give you a reason
To believe in something different
If you’re looking for love, for what it's worth
I have plenty of it lying around here somewhere

If you are looking for disappointment
You can find it around any corner
In the middle of the night I hold on to you tight
So both of us can feel protected

Tell me where it hurts,
to hell with everybody else.
All I care about is you and that's the truth
they don't love me; yeah I can tell
but you do, so they can go to hell

I’ve been loved but I didn’t know how to feel it
And I’ve been adored but I don’t know if I ever believed it
I’ve been loved my whole life but I didn’t know how to take it
Until...

So tell me where it hurts
to hell with everybody else
All I care about is you and that's the truth
they don't love me, yeah I can tell
But you do, so they can go to hell
But you do, so they can go to hell

Tell me where it hurts
Tell me where it hurts
Tell me where it hurts now
Tell me where it hurts...

Glued to the TV

Went a little nuts at Best Buy Tuesday night and bought no less than 4 seasons of various TV shows on DVD. For starters, we picked-up BBC "Planet Earth"... which is this amazing Discovery Channel style documentary series shot in HD. It's absolutely beautiful. It took 5 years to film and had a 25-million dollar budget. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to really getting into it.

We also bought Season One of both "WKRP in Cincinnati" and "Maude". Both great old shows (especially WKRP, for me, because as loopy/silly as the show is... for the most-part it is a pretty bang-on representation of what radio is like. I've worked with people like the characters on that show.), the latter finally justifying Seth MacFarlane's (whom I totally love deeply and passionately) insistence that Bea Arthur is a man. I can't remember whether it was Family Guy, (link contains Family Guy's take on the Maude theme song) or American Dad, that had a bit about her being a man, but at one point I thought that was an awful thing to say about her. Now, I'm not so sure. Based upon the 4 episodes I've seen so far... she really does seem like a gay man in drag. And that thought never occurred to me throughout however many years the Golden Girls was on TV. At any rate, it's my first time ever watching Maude, and I like it a lot. Bea Arthur is always funny for all the right reasons.

And last but not least... Season 5 of "Everybody Loves Raymond". Another show that Ted and I love. I was chatting online with my eldest sister Cheryl the other day about how much Marie (the character of Raymond's mother) reminds me of our mom... only without the religious fanaticism. Cheryl said I was "terrible"... but she never said I was wrong. hee hee They even look and dress alike for the most part. Scary huh? One definitely commonality between "Shirley" and "Marie" is that they can't be supportive to save their lives, but they do love their children with a fierce and protective love. ...THAT, and their children would rather go to a sadistic Dentist with a migraine than spend time with them.

Well... I thought that was funny even if you think it's mean. ; )

Last night as foretold, we did go to the Keg with Chris. He's absolutely the most lovable nerd you'd ever want to meet. And he's crazy about Crissy and he treats her with such love and respect. Ted and I love him. And on top of all that... he's a huge Star Trek nerd like us. Which completely rocks. Just as a forewarning... I'm planning a Trek blog entry one of these days soon. 'Cause I think the whole franchise has a lot more merit than people give it credit for, and I honestly think it's too bad that there's such a stigma of shame that comes along with being a fan. Anyhow... you've been warned. ha

The song of the day... is the song my iPod played first this morning on my way to work. (simple way to choose huh?) It's a great, great, tender song with a pulsating bass line perfect for knockin' boots yo. Jill Scott...

I Am Not Afraid

I am not afraid to be your baby
I am not afraid to be your whore
I am not afraid to be your future
I am not afraid to be your soil

In which you plant your seed
Flowers, they sprout from me
My fragrance in the breeze
You must nurture me please

I am not afraid to be your baby
I am not afraid to be your strength
I am not afraid to be open wide
I am not afraid to be glutinous

The essence of glue
I will stick to you
Through earthquakes and moods
If ever one thing was true

I am not afraid to wind it wind it
I am not afraid to keep your pace
I am not afraid to create my queendom
I am not afraid to take my place
I am not afraid

Anxiety Be Gone

The MOST horrible feeling in the entire gambit of emotions we human-folk can experience is anxiety. (at least in my opinion) I'm having the most inexplicable bout of anxiety today, and I really shouldn't. I don't even know why it's hitting me so hard, but I've basically got 3 things on my mind today. Training one of my co-workers to cover me while I'm away on vacation, getting the car sold, and what to do about my mom's birthday.

All of these things might seem simplistic on their own, but evidently I'm Captain Worrypants today, and thinking about them all at once does little to solve anything. Although... talkin' them out on your blog isn't the most exciting reading material so I won't delve too much with the exception of my mom's birthday which is coming up on the 13th of March. Ack, next Tuesday. Now for those of you who've been following along since January... I haven't spoken to my mom since the last time I mentioned doing so in my blog. (whenever that was) I'm not particularly thrilled to be the first to hold out the olive branch, but I'm going to anyway, because it's the right thing to do. And I'm not going to allow the perpetual silence to continue, even though I will no doubt wish I had once the dialogue is up and running. I say this only because her views and opinions on the topic of "gayness" (of which she has many) are not going to change.

I only had a sliver of hope when I embarked on this personal journey that she would grow and change. That sliver has sadly dissipated to whatever unit of measurement appropriately describes a "smidge more than nothing". This doesn't sadden me nearly as much as I thought it might, but it bolsters my belief that conflict and silence are all that can possibly play out between the two of us. And I'm going to set the first bout of conflict in motion by sending her a birthday card that she'll feel obliged to thank me for. Ahhh... breaking the silence.

I got an e-mail from my sister Cheryl the other day telling me that mom is convinced I don't care about her. Guilt tactics. Guilt tactics delivered by a middle-man. Silence is such a luxury when you're dealing with someone like my mom. Namely because since she doesn't listen, so you might as well be quiet 'cause it's not like she's going to hear anything but white-noise and evil coming out of your sound-minded, misguided-liberal mouth. -sigh-

Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. I'm grateful that she knows. I'm grateful that she loves me and always has. And I'm grateful that I didn't let the chance go by to give her the opportunity to truly know me. I also have to be grateful for the way I was raised because everything I've learned or been-through has made me who I am. Right? Right.

I like thinking positive.

Song of the day: one of my FAVOURITE artists... Jill Scott. With a strength of spirit, and an amazing talent to write such profound wisdom into her lyrics with simplicity and joy. And sing it all so effortlessly. Jill Scott's music is food for your soul. This is "Golden"

I'm taking my freedom,
Pulling it off the shelf,
Putting it on my chain,
Wear it around my neck,

I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my car,
Wherever I choose to go,
It will take me far,

[Chorus]
I'm livin' my life like it's golden
Livin' my life like it's golden, [X3]
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,
Livin' my life like it's golden, [X4]
Livin' my life like it's golden, golden,

I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it in my song,
Singing loud and strong,
Grooving all day long,

I'm taking my freedom,
Putting it in my stroll,
I'll be high-steppin' y'all,
Letting the joy unfold,

[Chorus]

I'm holding on to my freedom,
Can't take it from me,
I was born into it,
It comes naturally,

I'm strumming my own freedom,
Playing the god in me,
Representing his glory,
Hope he's proud of me,

[Chorus]
[Bridge]
I'm living my life like its golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, golden, [X2]
[Chorus]

Livin' my life like it's golden,It really matters to me, Ohhh