Sunday, January 10, 2010

Contemplation

Hmmm... I find myself wishing for more time alone lately, because my life is so filled with people. And yet when I do get one precious, glorious day by myself I am my own worst enemy. I think of all the things that sadden me.

I'm being pushed by my own psyche to abandon Facebook for one, and the social/dating site I've only recently started frequenting again after almost 10 months away from it.

There's a certain level of terror in trying to be your own favourite person. Failure to do so seems a grand one indeed. It's easier to try to be someone else's favourite person instead.

A hobby or the pursuit of a dream seems to be in order. I need to conquer this unrequited love thing that's been dogging me for the better part of 2009. People say there's always a "rebound" after you've broken-up. Well, boy did I ever fall-prey to that.

I fancy myself a writer. I aspire to write. To make it my pastime and my career, and yet my thoughts are too scattered and my discipline non-existent. Even a blog-entry of any value or coherence seems beyond me. Gotta lick this. I've been waiting for too long.

Only I can make me happy.

4 comments:

nayainaustralia said...

I just found your blog when I was googling lyrics for scissor sister's filthy gorgeous and I was reading some posts from 2007 - I really enjoy your blog and you write so well. I also want to write (I am/was a writer by profession), and it's my dream to publish a novel someday...

anyways, I like you :) can I add you to my blogroll? please post more!

John said...

Hey there! Thank you for your kind words. I don't even know whether you'll receive notification that I've replied to your comment, but you're more than welcome to add me to your blogroll. This comes at a time when oddly-enough, I'm feeling the need to start blogging again. :)

Name: Destiny said...

I know the feeling....coherent thoughts are always difficult hahaha. The favorite person thing though- rethink it. Being someone elses favorite person is hard because there is no one who will love you if you can't love yourself, save God. (sorry if this sounds harsh, but it's what I believe is true. I believe that if you don't love yourself then what other people feel for you, even the kindest of them, is sorry.) In any case, I like your writing and will check back for more posts soon!

Vicki said...

Hi John,
Your blog came up when I hit the 'next blog' button after publishing my new post.

Just wanted to offer a virtual hug from another person who understands being deeper than most others appreciate. We must support our tribe members because we 'get it'. Next week I could be nibbling off the bottom and I'd enjoy seeing a friendly face there.

I hope you keep writing - your words are clear and engaging. Doing the work is what ultimately gets you where you aspire to be.