Happy Pee

September 05

This weekend I did a very gay thing indeed; I watched West Side Story for the very first time. And loved it. The fact that I loved it is undoubtedly more "gay" than just watching it. I'm discovering more and more that older movies (which West Side Story qualifies as) are very entertaining, if not realistic. And lo and behold if there wasn't a distinct Michael Jackson vibe goin' on during many of the movies choreographed scenes. I for one, had no idea how obviously inspired/influenced he was by this movie - I just always thought his music videos of the 80's were a little overblown and strange. Y'know, the gang-posturing, groin-grabbing, "ho" yelling numbers that you figured were bound to erupt into an all-male street orgy at any moment if they didn't dissolve into barbs of "yo mama's so fat" first. Alas, I likely would have been that much more entertained had they been a little more of either, but I do feel like I've come that much closer to understanding one of history's more perplexing artistic beings. Revelation aside that I'm a Michael Jackson "fan", I don't consider myself an admirer or even a really big fan for a lack of any other more appropriate adjective. So here endeth my ramblings about him. West Side Story: good movie.

My course starts today. Wheeee. There was no starting gun, no fanfare, no unleashing of the hounds... which took me a minute to absorb. Y'know; the realization that I never had any of those genesis-factors present in any other educational incarnation I've undertaken. All that being said, I've already got this sinking feeling that I'm procrastinating. An old habit of mine from my school days so maybe that is the unleashing of the hounds. I think this feeling is just poppin' up because I've never done anything via correspondence before and I have no teacher of sorts to interact with, just a damned deadline. So what have I done thus far? I've started a work log to keep track of what I do in a day, this is something I must do from now til December. Ick. Now that in itself is "something" you might think, but "no", it's just filling numbers into a chart. Hardly worthy of being hailed as my triumphant return to academia. I don't know what would be worthy, but I've got a feeling this course is going to leave me feeling even more deflated about my career than I was when I began. That might be a good thing if it makes me take action. Oh action - why don't you just fall in my lap! I'll show you a good time, and you in-turn repay me with opportunity and financial compensation beyond my wildest dreams. It would seem I've spent my adult life learning that you can hustle opportunity without action. That must be what my brain and other appendages are for. ...And all this time I've aspired to be a motionless lump with a built-in ATM that pumps money out my ass at will. No really, I have.

Blah... I hate the fact that much of my mindset boomerang's back to my own shortcomings. I must change that.

And so I not-so-gracefully switch to the topic of house-training a puppy. Porthos is 6 months old and full of piss and vinegar. The vinegar I'm assuming is a metaphor for all his glorious puppy exuberance, and playful curiosity. Vinegar is also good with copious amounts of salt, on chip-wagon fries. The "piss" factor on the other hand has been an issue for quite a while. In his defense, Porthos has come a long way and he's been a very good boy, about pooping. We've had about 2-3 pooping inside incidents, versus many urine related mishaps. As I had reported earlier on, he now sleeps on our big, comfy, (yet shrinking) king-sized bed. No incidents, no issues; he's been a model puppy in that respect. But with much trepidation, I agreed with Eak that it was time to reinstate the area rugs we'd stowed away since bringin' the little one home. The trepidation came in a big, wet, gushing flow of "happy-pee" before the living room carpet had even been pulled from it's safe hiding spot. "Happy pee" is one of the stumpers in house-training. After all, you don't really want to reprimand or punish your pup for being excited about some good fortune that's come their way. Life's an adventure when you're six months old and haven't sniffed or tasted everything yet. So yeah... Sunday's "happy pee"... came from the acquisition of a grasshopper that Cole had enthusiastically laid-waste to on the balcony and left for dead. Porthos never having seen (or tasted) a grasshopper (dead or otherwise) was very happy for this hand-me-down. Happy enough to pee from the balcony door to the edge of the couch (floor only - thankfully) where he unceremoniously deposited the bug carcass. I'm not just talking piddle; full blown bladder evacuation. I think about it now with a bit of fondness, only because I have to ponder what went through his head. Was the grasshopper not-as-dead as I thought it was, causing him to freak out and drop it? Was there a sudden fear that he'd started something he couldn't stop, thus rendering the grasshopper moot-booty in light of being scolded? The Porthos I thought I knew, would've eaten the grasshopper and moved-on to some other form of mischief. I'd like to think he suddenly realized he was doing wrong and scurried off to pen a letter of apology for not living up to our expectations yet again. More likely than anything: the grasshopper just tasted bad and he circled around to the water dish to cleanse his palette and lap-up more ammo for the next unexpected moment of joy that can only be expressed with pee.

Tomorrow: I ponder how a grasshopper got into our tenth-floor apartment. ...Naw.... I won't. Everybody knows it used the elevator.

Today's song selection (avoiding the obvious choice of something Michael Jackson given how this entry began) is a fun lil' ditty that Eak and I enjoyed, loud, dancin' and "wrecked" on Friday night. A ghost-track from "Rave Un2 the Joy Fantastic".... Pretty Man, by Prince. Fucking awesome track.


Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful
Hey now, what's up?
Aw, U know how 2 come over here starin' at a brother so hard
Huh, say U what?

CHORUS:
If U wanna be my baby, got 2 tell me so
Over competent lady, better act like U know
If U wanna be my baby, come on take my hand
Tell me that U wanna get with
Prettyman

See me up here dancin', dancin' on the flo'
Got 2 think about doin' just a little mo'
The way I wear my knickers around this booty tight
Make a sister wanna call me up every night - hey!

CHORUS

Everywhere I go, people stop and stare
They just wanna see me swing this pretty hair
If there ever comes a time when it just won't grow
I'll keep it like my brother and buy some mo' - hey!

CHORUS

(Tell me)(Looka here)(Do ya know)(Take my hand)(Say it!)
Ooh, uhIf U wanna be my baby, got (Prettyman)Ooh, Prettyman(Prettyman)

Looka here now In the early morning when I'm feeling nice
I walk by the mirror and kiss it twice
When it comes 2 perfume, i-it's on the shelf
I get it down, if ain't nobody around
I, I, I smell myself
Hey, uh, Prettyman,
looka here I ain't through
Say I don't, uh, wait a minute
Come on, band, break down

I don't care about money, I buy gold by the ounce
Y2K, not today, I write a check and the bank bounce
"Superball" used 2 be my nickname if U ask about love
No money back guarantee when I'm above
Pretty man

If U wanna be my baby, got 2 tell me so
Over competent lady, gotta act like U know
If U wanna be my baby, come on take my hand
Tell me that U wanna get with the Prettyman,

huhMaceo, brother, can U blow?
Uh, pretty From Harlem, uh, ay, off 2 Tokyo
Wait, stop, ah, go Maceo can ya, Maceo, can U blow?
Hey, Prettyman
Oh yeah
Can I scream now?
Hey, hey!
Can I scream now?
Hey, ohhh no!
Hey, hey, hey!
(phone rings)
Hello?
Who is it?
Yes, this is a Prettyman
Princey!
He he he