Sunday, April 05, 2009

A Life Full of Ticky Tacky

Quite obviously, Facebook is bad for my blogging.

Not to mention... I can't quite put my finger on it, but I have a theory that Facebook depresses me. Perhaps it's that other people appear to have more eventful/meaningful lives than I do, or perhaps it's all that activity and interaction going on, knowing full-well that people aren't really "thinking" about you, or wanting to spend time with you. They're just slapping a post-it note on your head to let you know you're still friends.

At any rate... I'm having a rough time of things this week. And "that" is also bad for my blogging. 'Cause nobody wants to read about how sad or lonely you are. I know this, because I don't want to "write" about how sad and lonely I am. And furthermore, I want to be one of those people who's perfectly satisfied with his own company, and uses the solitude to accomplish fulfilling things.

I just can't seem to get a handle on that yet.

Anyhow... anyhow, anyhow, anyhow... in much more enjoyable news, I have discovered just how much I thoroughly enjoy the show "Weeds". I've had the first season on DVD for literally years now and just this weekend, decided to crack the plastic and give it a whirl. The result was a 6 hour marathon to watch the whole thing because it was just that good. I just couldn't stop. The show in general is quite clever and volleys back and forth between provocative and humourous, but there are moments of incredible tenderness. One episode in particular ends with "this scene" (clicky clicky) where Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) is watching a video of her and her husband Judah while they were making love. Poignant because Judah, is her deceased husband, and the entire premise of the show is her trying to care/provide for herself and their two sons after his death. Prior to what you see here, she has just gone through many things she never thought she'd do, and questioning her decisions with regret and takes a moment to reflect and allow herself to miss him. Her grief is not something they dwell on throughout the entire season, but when they do...
...Yeah... I cried a lot. It's unfortunate this particular youtube clip cuts off the song before it finishes throughout the credits, because it really is perfectly fitting and heart-wrenching.

"Ballerina" by Leona Naess (this link contains a rough recording of a live performance)

I'll never feel the weight of your hands
Inside mine, like diamonds
Lace so fine, ballerina
Cupcake and my earthquake
Wakes me from my sleep that
Never comes, are you breathing?
Waiting for me

I didn't really want you
But I want you now
Was so foolish of me
Feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out
I want to rescue, want to scream out loud

I didn't think I needed you
But I need you now
Was so empty, in me
Feel you crashing down
Into the empty world
The music stops
I want to rescue, want to scream out loud
You will always be mine

The room spins
Pull you from me
My body burns
Tell me all the rainbows
The colors that the rain throws
Ballerina dance softly
She knows when to come only
When she's called on, slowly coming to

I didn't really want you
But I need you
Was so foolish of me
Feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out
Want to rescue, want to scream out loud

I didn't think I wanted you
But I want you now
Was so empty, in me
Feel you crashing down
Into the empty world
The music stops
I want to rescue, want to scream out loud
You will always be mine

So, so sorry
Just come back for me now
So, so sorry
Just come back to me now
Or soon

I didn't think I wanted you
But I want you now
Was so foolish of me
Feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out
Wanted to rescue, want to scream out loud

I didn't think I needed you
But I need you now
Was so empty, in me
Feel you tumbling down
Into that empty room
The lights went out
I want to rescue, want to scream out loud
That you will always be mine...

2 comments:

John said...

"So, so sorry
Just come back for me now
So, so sorry
Just come back to me now
Or soon"

Is the point where the credits end, incidentally.

Upon quiet reflection, it seems to me that "Ballerina" very well could be a song about a child who died a crib death. It's such a sad song of longing. : (

Misster Kitty said...

*poke*