Monday, May 18, 2009

The Curve

This weekend has been a chapter in learning to live alone. I'm getting there. And I can assure anybody that there is a lot to be learned from spending all the "firsts" by yourself. The May holiday weekend... it's the "first" weekend of the summer by many standards. I'm not proud of the mopey manner in which I spent most of it, but here on the twilight day of it, I've taken two long walks, got some much needed sleep, had a paradigm shift in my attitude about my search for "romance" (let's see how long that lasts) ... AND I washed all my living room windows, inside and out.

I watched a half-decent movie last night, "I Love You Man"... (half-decent, but not recommended necessarily). It's one of those comedies I had really low expectations for, but despite some RRRREALLY painful (intentionally) awkward scenes, this movie hit home on a fundamental level. In a nutshell, it's the story of a guy who's never taken the time throughout his life to make "guy" friends. Instead, he's devoted himself entirely to relationship after relationship with women. When faced with marriage and the realization that he doesn't even have someone close enough to ask to be in his wedding party, let-alone be best man, he sets out on a search to make male friends. There's so much truth and sad irony in the isolation we set ourselves up for when we hit our stride in a relationship, never thinking we need anyone else after being so completed by the love we've found. Couple that with the lack of opportunity to even pursue "new" friendships as an adult... and what other people are undoubtedly laughing about (in this movie) has me taking a long, hard look at my life and wondering just "how long" I'm going to be alone.

I think I may have erred entirely in my lack of maintenance with female friends in particular, in an effort to find the elusive "something" I'm looking for in guys. But then, I think I'm hard to wrap your head around, be you male or female, and though I know I'm kind and respectful, I'm also extremely "judgemental" in that I look for magic, and the moment there's a hint of it's void, I know (or default that) the relationship holds little reward. Not because I expect someone to instantly fulfill everything I want them to be, but because I know exactly what I don't want.

That makes me sound like an ogre. Hmmph. Maybe I am one. They certainly live a life of solitude in every tale.

I'm just thinking out loud.

This song... a curious choice I'm sure. But I've got my own cryptic reasons for picking it.

Something Stupid - Robbie Williams (with Nicole Kidman)


I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there's a chance
You won't be leaving with me

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you

I can see it in your eyes
You still despise the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though it's just a line to you
For me it's true
And never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever
lines to say
To make the meaning come true
But then I think I'll wait until the evening
gets late
And I'm alone with you

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you

(INSTRUMENTAL)

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night's so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you

1 comment:

Kevin said...

Hope you're doing well....it's been so long ... be sure to hit a sistah up if you start blogging again!