Saturday, March 24, 2007

Smokin' in the Kitchen with Elmo

Saturday March 24th:

Today is an unproductive day. Well... not entirely... I spent the good part of an hour stuffing insulation into a huge crack in the wall under the kitchen sink that has been allowing an unknown neighbours cigarette smoke to overrun our entire apartment for months and months. The crack came from long-ago pipe repairs that the management conducted in all of the units in our section of the building. Once they were finished, pretty much every night we could smell second-hand smoke in the kitchen. Not so nice when you're not a smoker yourself. We then complained a few times to the super, and twice had the maintenance guy come up and tell us once that "nothing was wrong "with a second performance verdict that "nothing could be done".

Then recently Ted bought one of those air ionizer things, which does the trick, but for obvious reasons, cannot sit in the middle of our kitchen floor at all times.

Long story short, I think I've sufficiently stuffed all the open seams with that pink fibreglass stuff and then duct-taped over that. Nope... it's not pretty, but it's on the inside our our cupboards; so who cares for now. It seems to be smoke-free for now. Cross your fingers for us.

___got interrupted and never finished the post____

Tuesday March 27th

My friend Keltie brought up a fun time from my childhood (and hers) in the comments section of an earlier post, about me dressing up as the Easter Bunny at a little crap-tastic mall in Kingston, called Frontenac Mall. (I don't even know whether it's still open to be honest.) My cousin Ruth set me up with that high-paying gig when I was 14. I say high-paying, because in 1987 getting paid $75 to wear 30lbs of fun-fur that smelled like bad-breath for 6 hours was a plumb-employment opportunity - even if it did involve having children climb all over me. Keltie had the distinction of being "balloon girl" and I "think" she got paid too, but I'm not sure on that one. She didn't have the luxury of anonymity that a bunny costume can provide but we laughed a lot and probably ate more chocolate easter eggs than we handed out. Good times.

That little recollection got me thinking about all the other indignities I've gladly taken-on as a result of putting on a mascot-sized costume....
I've been a Hostess Munchie, and the Easter Bunny (different costume) again for the Petro Canada station I worked for in Kingston (Division Street @ the 401), - I actually have a picture of me in that particular bunny costume toting a pretty little Easter basket in one hand and the other hand firmly grabbing my crotch. - I'm prone to classy moments such as this, but at least you couldn't see my face. The Hostess Munchie costume was for a Petro Canada promotion as well. I recall with grief that it was a summer weekend with the temperature in the high twenties/low thirties. Lori Boucher and I took turns sweating and waving to traffic (and subsequently trying not to wander IN to traffic 'cause you couldn't see out of the gi-normous red Munchie head.)

I've also been "O.J. The Orange" (one of my first radio duties in Belleville - biggest complaint: no mask or head covering. I looked like an ass and everyone knew who I was.) I literally worked for food at that station. They never once paid me. No wonder I had to move back home. Ahhh... radio.

But wait, I'm not done. I've also had the privilege of donning the one and only, creme de la creme of fun fur costume of..... (drum roll) ...The Polkaroo.
That's right ladies and gentlemen. I was the Polkaroo, at the Kingston Memorial Centre for some event my friend Susan was involved with. Sadly... I didn't even get to say "polkaroo" to the kids. It was basically, a "just wear the costume and be silent" scenario. I was disappointed, not only because the Polkaroo only had "one" line that I wasn't allowed to say... but also because the costume was the stinkiest of the stinky costumes I've ever had to wear.
Thanks a lot TVO! You suck for not keeping your mascot costume clean.
I can just picture the wardrobe people saying "Oh the dry cleaners were here and we missed them AGAIN."
(That's a Polka Dot Door joke for any of you who might read that and think "gee, that's not funny at all". --- Hey - I can't help it if you didn't grow up watching the same quality children's programming that I did.)

Now, if only I could get my hands on a life-sized Elmo costume. My dreams will be fulfilled. If you hear of a mugging/assault at an "Ice Capades: Sesame Street on Ice" show... just might be my doing. Elmo is one of my best voice characterizations, and I shudder to think of the hi jinx I could cause with a life-sized costume. Y'know... wandering around your local Zellers store, picking up screaming children and telling them to "shut the hell up".

"Mommy and Daddy, can't spank you anymore, but Elmo will!"

ha - again I say... "Good times".

Cheers y'all.

Song of the day is another electronica/chillax/dance track by a little-known group called "Andain". They only have 3 songs, and I highly recommend them all (even though you have to seek them out individually.) The lead singers voice is so soothing and melodic, and the music is moody but danceable. They're supposedly working on a full-length album. I'll be first in line if it ever sees the light of day.

"Beautiful Things"

Got up early, found something's missing
my only name.
No one else sees but I got stuck,
and soon forever came.
Stopped pushing on for just a second,
then nothing's changed.
Who am I this time, where's my name
I guess it crept away.

No one's calling for me at the door.
And unpredictable
won't bother anymore.
And silently gets harder to ignore.
Look straight ahead, there's nothing left to see.
What's done is done, this life has got it's hold on me.
Just let it go, what now can never be.

I forgot that I might see,
So many beautiful things.
I forgot that I might need,
to find out what life could bring.

Take this happy ending away, it's all the same.
God won't waste this simplicity on possibility.
Get me up, wake me up, dreams are filling
this trace of blame.
Frozen still I thought I could stop,
now who's gonna wait.

No one's calling for me at the door.
and unpredictable
won't bother anymore.
and silently gets harder to ignore.
look straight ahead, there's nothing left to see.
what's done is done, this life has got it's hold on me.
just let it go, what now can never be.

so many beautiful things...
so many beautiful things...
Now what do I do
can I change my mind
did I think things through

It was once my life
it was my life at one time

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I had the honour of playing Hamburglar many times back in the day. I had quite the reputation for my fine (but silent) characterization. Aaaah. Hot sweaty full-head latex masks.