Pain

Here folks, is how we spent most of our Sunday evening. ...Playing "Pain" for Playstation 3. It's violent, depraved and tasteless. But lordy is it funny. The goal is to inflict as much pain on your dude as you possibly can. They give you various targets to hit, and one can get into many a sticky situation. It's a complete time-waster, and so far, one of my favourite video games ever!

We did take a break to further our mind-gorging of season 3 of Battlestar Galactica. We sadly only have 6 more episodes to watch. Such a great show.

The "S" in BSG, does NOT stand for Strep Throat

My job is keeping me far too busy to do much posting of any kind. At least not during the day. So snippets:

-Ted has strep-throat. He got it from me. Where oh where does strep throat come from???
At any rate, we're both on the mend.

-We're both completely enthralled in Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica. We've watched 7 episodes over 3 nights. Suicide bombers, poisoning your own wife for treason, vigilante justice for crimes against humanity (I must say in all my years of watching Star Trek, I don't think I've actually seen someone get blown-out of an air-lock from an "inside" perspective. "Voyager" and "Enterprise" both did "external" shots. But watching Jammer get sucked-out of the launch bay and start to drift, seemed very... real.), religious zeal and occupation, a failed attempt at racial genocide.... *deep breath* I cannot effectively GUSH enough about how deeply rivetting every single moment of every episode of this season has been thus far. I'd say "Long Live BSG", if I didn't already know the 4th season will be its last. : ( Oh well. I'm enjoying the ride! : )

'Kay, that was an awfully big snippet and I have to bugger off now. : )

12 Years Today

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Cocky Ozzy, Lacking Janet, and Daddy Johnny

Alrighty, I'm up to speed on Survivor. Ozzy's getting kinda cocky, which is a little bit disappointing, since I'd come to think he was above that. Anyhoo... seems he's not. Chet is gone, and deservedly so. He seemed like a truly nice man, but he certainly was reinforcing some negative stereotypes about gay-folk and that makes me antsy. He exited with incredible grace though. I love it when people give a well-thought-out departure speech. Hell... he does have a lot to be proud about I suppose. I for one would feel an incredible sense of accomplishment for outlasting Gorilla Joel. I was a little disappointed that Jonathan went home, and I actually felt a little teary with compassion. He hasn't been nearly as obnoxious this season, and to be taken-out by an injury really must suck. I knew he was going to have to leave though. That was a huge gash in his knee, and you can't just slap a bandage on something like that under those living conditions. It would be painful in the most sterile of environments, never mind all the filth that the contestants live in for 39 days. I'm not yet certain of who I'm rooting for to take home the prize. At this point I'll be surprised if it's a fan. They seem to be an endangered species. But things can always change. If I hadn't watched last season, I think I'd be cheering for James (to get an underwear modelling contract among other things) because he's been portrayed as pretty subdued and good-natured this season. Sadly, I still don't like him very much. The wonders they can create with editing huh? I'm sure Parvarti enjoys being portrayed as the village harlot for example, but she gives them lots of footage to work with. This much is certain.

Anyhoo, enough about Survivor for now.

With regards to the "Janet" night on Friday. We had a great time. But I was under the distinct impression that it was going to be all Janet music all night. This was not the case. And so the consensus was that the music was a little weak 'cause it wasn't at all what we were expecting. I'm thinking maybe the DJ didn't have a complete catalog of her music. I on the other hand; do. And would be only so happy to put together an entire evening of ass-shakin' Janet tunes. Heaven knows she's got the repertoire.

This weekend with the nephews and nieces turned-out to be a lot of fun. Nathan (the youngest nephew) was my biggest fan for some reason and I actually started feeling pangs of paternal instincts and the desire to have a child. Luckily it passed. But I have to say; there's an awful lot of appeal in the thought of potentially raising a child to be empowered and full of love for him/herself and others, and teaching the importance of kindness, respect and grace among other virtues. I rarely ever think to myself "Gee, I'd be a great dad." ...But sometimes....

To that end... the lyrics to "Lullaby for Wyatt" by Sheryl Crow. A song she wrote for her adopted son. It's beautiful. Happy St. Patrick's Day all!

The world could fall apart
But you're my heart, my dear
I will sing this song
'Til we are gone, my dear

How do I keep you from losing your way
Hope you'll go out and you'll come back some day
But love is letting go
And this I'll know
Cause you were mine
For a time

I could shape your mind
But why waste time, my dear
There's so much more to know
Than I can show you dear

How do I keep you from losing your way
Hope you'll go out and you'll come back some day
But love is letting go
And this I'll know
Cause you were mine
For a time

I have held you close
And breathed your name, my dear
I was with you then
And will remain, my dear

How do I keep you from losing your way
Hope you will find love like I did some day
But love is letting go
And this I'll know

Cause you were mine
For a time

March is Family Month (unofficially)

Gaah... the week... this dreadfully long week is almost at a close. I've been waking up every morning wishing it was Saturday, or wishing for just another half hour of sleep at the very least. Neither happened. Go figure.

In addition to the aforementioned visit from my niece, it warrants mentioning that both Ted's nieces and nephews have been in Toronto this week and we've spent quite a bit of time with them. This weekend we'll be seeing even more of them, 'cause they'll be staying with us. All four of them, plus Mel. Then on Sunday all but Rachel will be going home. Rachel's Ted's eldest niece. She'll be staying with us until Thursday when we drive up to Timmins for the weekend. Action packed. We've promised to take her to a drag show at one of the gay bars downtown, so that should be fun. hee hee

Tonight Ted and I are steppin' out to a nightclub called "Fly" for their Janet Jackson night. Yup... all Janet, all night. I've been looking forward to it for almost a month now. And no... I'm not one to go to nightclubs. But we went to a Kylie Minogue night in December at the same club and had so much fun, we just couldn't resist an evening of Janet. Never mind the fact that we'll be two of the oldest and fattest people in the club. But screw it. We're there for the music. Not to impress anyone.

In the meantime... I need a nap.

I'd post the lyrics to a Janet song from her new album. But the video for Feedback is infinitely more entertaining than the lyrics to any of her songs. Yes. I said it. And I'm a life-long fan. Anyhoo... enjoy!!!

Dragonette and Gorilla Joel

So I finally watched last Thursday's episode of Survivor (Fans vs Favourites) last night. And I don't think I've ever been more satisfied by an ousting in my history of watching the show.

That testosterone-fueled man-ape Joel, didn't "see" it coming, but man did he "have it coming". I cannot stand "Alpha Dog" posturing, and eat-the-weak mentality from anyone but this guy was quite simply too much. I didn't like Joel from day 1, but that whole "obstacle course chase" competition made it perfectly clear that he didn't consider Chet a human being, much-less a team mate; dragging him along like a sack of meat with no consideration for his safety or injuries!

I'm sure his big gorilla frame helps him rescue many people as a firefighter, but he's not much of a human being in my eyes. Now that's not saying I'd defend Chet in his evident "uselessness", but whether or not he's a good competitor or a strong team mate, has no bearing on his status as a human being.

Thankfully it would seem that the cast of contestants this time around are a "no bullshit" bunch. Thus far I haven't shed a tear over the people sent-home. Although, I must admit I thought Mikey was extremely sexy and went before his time (at the hands of Joel the Gorilla), but he was a little weaselish in his assumption of power so early-on in the game.

Ah well. The best part about watching last weeks episode so late, is that there's a brand new one on tonight! *grin*

Oh... and I think I found the perfect pop album of 2007. I kid you not. And by a Canadian band no less. "Dragonette" is their name and their CD is called "Galore". I absolutely love every track. They're a little bit Scissor Sisters, a little bit Gwen Stefani, a little bit ABBA, and a little bit Eurythmics. Catchy tunes, saucy lyrics, and a cheeky variation of musical styles. I cannot recommend them enough. I hope they win the Juno they're nominated for, 'cause they're incredibly fantastic and sadly unknown. Clicky clicky to hear the song I'm posting lyrics to. Brilliant stuff, I swear. (it's not a real music video incidentally)

True Believer - Dragonette

I don't play well with the other kids
they know that I'm dangerous
it's evident I'm different
my punishment is imminent
they tell me that I'm no good
they say worse
I've got a curse
and I know that it's true

but you,
you make me better
you give me pleasure
it's just your effect on me ooooh
you make me sweeter
you give me fever
and I'm a believer

I've had such a wicked time,
kissed the boys and made them cry
laugh and while I wave good bye
they'd still like another try
Ordinary Dick and Tom
Matthew Mark Luke and John
if they knew who I've become
who I've become

the spell I'm under is you
you make me better
you give me pleasure
it's just your effect on me oooh
you taught me a lesson
now I'm behaving
must be what's best for me oooh
you make me sweeter
you give me fever
Now I'm a believer oooh

do u feel super
I'm the new girl curled round your finger *oh*
I've taken your potion *and now I'm*
senseless defenceless a fool
the spell I'm under is you

it's you what's come over me
you who has gotten into me
you who did this thing to me
I used to be so bad

but you,
you make me better
you give me pleasure
must be what's best for me ooooh
you make me sweeter
you give me fever oooh
I'm a believer
I'm a believer oooh
a true believer
I'm a believer oooh
a true believer

A Weekend in March

Sometimes life throws you a bone just when you need it and in a way you never would have expected.


I've known for weeks now that my niece Shannon was going to come and visit me. And in the interim, there's been a big part of me that was looking forward to it, and an even bigger part of me that was dreading it. I can't tell you how glad I am that I didn't succumb to the latter and cancel the visit before it happened.


As I've mentioned previously, this has been a really difficult winter for me. I've been on the verge of a complete emotional breakdown for weeks since the end of January. So it goes without saying that I haven't been feeling very social, or capable. Thus, stepping into the role of "good uncle" or even "stable adult", gave me great pause. 'Cause you want to put on your best, brave face and show your visitors a good time, whether family or friend, and I wasn't sure I was up to the task.

Guess what though? I didn't need to be. Because my niece has grown into a very beautiful, intelligent, and capable young woman. One that I've found a new admiration for. It took us very little time to find our common ground and bond as families should, and I discovered very quickly how nice it is to have a friend and ally in your bloodline. Her boyfriend Andrew is nothing short of a wonderful young guy, with a good head on his shoulders and Shannon's love and best interests at heart. I really can't quite put into words how much I enjoyed their visit and how good it was for me to connect with family at long last.

Amidst the late night take-out Chinese food, conversations that lasted well-beyond bedtime and the most brutal snowstorm in recent history, I discovered a family member who has never stopped loving me, even though I ran away. In fact, she understood "why" I had to, and shared the stories of why she's taken a similar path through similar circumstances. I learned about her family life. She learned about mine. And we bonded over the realization that you can survive and come out on the other side a well-adjusted and "good" person, even when you forsake what you've been taught to revere. ...It doesn't hurt that we shared a good cry all the way through a viewing of "The Notebook", as well. Vulnerability can be very endearing.

Ted was thrilled to invite members of my family into our home. Something we've done so rarely over the course of 12 years. I think that he enjoyed Shannon and Andrew's visit very much. And I know Shannon has always thought the world of him. I was very touched by her curiousity about our relationship... ie: how Ted and I met, whether or not we'd ever get married, things we've been through... etc.

I'm extremely grateful to have had the opportunity get to know my niece. I hope I adequately expressed just how welcome she is in my life, and my home. She's a blessing and a delight and I could only hope to have the opportunity to get to know her sister, brother and cousin in the same way. It's very surreal to realize your nephew and nieces are busy becoming spectacular adults. It makes me regret how much of their childhoods I've missed, but it also gives me hope that their opinions of me aren't shaped or formed by the same, oppressive upbringing that I had.
It makes me feel like I have ties to who my family is, and that I'm still a part of something bigger than my own isolated life.

Chantal Kreviazuk - Time

Time,
Where did you go?
Why did you leave me here
alone?
Wait,
Don’t go so fast
I’m missing the moments
As they pass

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
And the world's
Getting clearer
So wait for me
this time

I’m down
I’m down on my knees
I’m begging for all
your sympathy
But you (I’m just an illusion)
You don’t seem to care (I wish that I could)
You humble people
everywhere (I don’t mean to hurt you)

Now I’ve looked in the mirror
and the world's
getting clearer
I’ll take
what you give me.
Please know
that I’m learning
So wait
for me this time

I should’ve known better
I shouldn’t have wasted those days
And afternoons and mornings
I threw them all away
Now this is my time
I’m going to make this moment mine.
(I shouldn’t have wasted those days)

I’ll take
What you give me.
Please know
That I’m learning
I’ve looked
In the mirror
My world’s
Getting clearer
So wait
for me
this time

I Loathe Humanity

Hah, the garlic didn't get me... or cause testicular dysfunction to my knowledge. (have I mentioned I'm a hypochondriac Shawn? Yeah, thanks. *wink*)

Not feeling very bloggy today, but I must justify my existence somehow so let me document for my own memories sake that yesterday, late in the day my attention was brought to a very horrific video of an American soldier (presumably in Afghanistan) throwing a live puppy off a cliff. I will not post even a link to this evil display of a total disregard for life, because I wish I hadn't seen it, and I don't encourage anyone else to hunt it down. The man (and I use the term very loosely) was a complete monster. Cold and unrepentant to the point of actual pride and nonchalance. Just another example of why I believe the human race is irredeemable. The image is burned into my memory right down to his awful smile and again, for emphasis: I wish I'd never seen it.

There's no appropriate song to offer-up as a conclusion to that one.

Stinky Breath and Funky Music

Is there such thing as garlic poisoning? I mean strictly from the stand-point of someone who's never been allergic to garlic of course.

I love garlic, and I would say that there's no such thing as too much, but I'm admittedly feeling a little light-headed today after consuming (probably) about 4 or 5 cloves in the leftover spaghetti sauce, with the leftover lasagna noodles that I could not bare to see go in the trash.

No vampires in my immediate future. This much is certain.

Got the new Janet Jackson CD last night and it's really solid. I was quite pleasantly surprised. I've been a faithful fan of Miss Janet since Control (1986) and her past 3 albums have been just a little bit lacking y'know. I've never stopping loving her, and there were always at least a few gems to be found, but she hasn't really made an album of this calibre in over a decade. Once more a Janet album that makes you wanna dance (for many tracks)! I can't tell you how much fun it is (and filthy as per usual - me likey.) Even the ballads are quite good. I'm very pleased and impressed. Now... if I can actually manage to embed the video, I shall leave you with the lead single: "Feedback". The choreography and the male dancers make me melt. Very funky/erotic and decidedly masculine. BLAH! Embedding is disabled by request of Universal Music. *rolls eyes* Well... visit this link and get sexified!

Hi

Well... let the grand experiment begin. I'm giving up Facebook for a month. (gasp)

The grandest purpose of which: to stop living my life online. And here I sit and blog again, irony withstanding.

I think I've found my voice again, although I can't promise it'll always make it's way to this medium.

This has been the most difficult winter of my life, and it seems fitting that on a sunny Sunday morning, waiting for the dog food to hydrate, pining for more sleep and smarting from a very lonely Saturday night, that I just start anew with this blog.

I've been off making friends online with the hopes that those connections would translate into real, living, breathing friendships... with mixed results. And I've learned that there's not much sense in amassing a large group of friends if they're only going to equate to a big bunch of pen-pals who communicate via the digital equivalent of cyber post-it notes. It's not meaningful enough for me, and I can honestly say I've never felt more isolated and alone. Chalk another one up to what I missed-out on in my youth. Luckily I think my learning curve is much shorter now. Let's hope.

Since I last blogged (faithfully) I've gone through a very tumultuous time in my personal life. I'm now seeing not one, but two therapists, to try and wrap my brain around my depression and where it comes from.... why it's so debilitating and how to step beyond it.

For those of you who might be worried, Ted and I are still together and I won't speak for him, but for all the hard times we've been through, I'm convinced that we can -and will- love each other unconditionally for the rest of our lives. That in itself is more than just a comfort, but a life-affirming fact that we have something very precious.

Anyhoo... my self-imposed silence is at an end I think.

And with that, a return to tradition: if you haven't picked-up "Detours" the new Sheryl Crow album... do so... post haste!

Love Is All There Is

Everyone is talking about me
How my heart is broken
But they don’t see

When you’re lonely inside
The world looks so carefree
When you’re lonely inside
You just can’t see

Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
All I really know for certain, babe
Is that Love Is All There Is

Every now and then
There comes a time
Someone comes along
to change your mind

You believe it’s unwise
To give in to careless dreams
You believe it’s a prize
You’ll never win

Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
All I really know for certain, babe
Is that Love Is All There Is

You believe it’s unwise
To give in to careless dreams
If you don’t see that is why
You will never know

Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
Does anybody want you
Does anybody need you
The question is
All I really know for certain, babe
Is that Love Is All There Is