Z for Zorro

Alrighty friends... I need help with a house plant. See this picture?

This is a tree that I've had for about 11 years. It's starting to look a little shoddy (aside from the dusty leaves -blush-) and the last time we moved, the moving process was not kind to it, so it's missing a lot of it's former lushness. I'd like to cut both trunks down with a saw to let it grow back, but I'm afraid to do so, 'cause quite obviously I don't want to kill it. I don't even know what kind of tree it is after all these years. I cut the very top off every few months to get the branches off the ceiling, and that part always grows back, but I'm worried that if I hack off too much it will just die. It was replanted just a few short months ago and it's looking better since then, but I'd like to restore it to it's former leafy glory. Can anyone tell me what kind of tree this is, and whether I can cut it without killing it? I've e-mailed some plant expert and received no reply, and I've googled all I can think to google to no avail. Help!

On to a different topic... ...remember my mentioning that I'd be doing the KitKat singles campaign again? Well, my voice session is this Tuesday and they gave me the script to practice and I'm freakin' out a little. Why? Because it's LONG!! And the stress of voicing an accent or character voice for any length of time, is tremendous at times. Because you "fall out of it", quite literally. My biggest hurdle with Kit's "Antonio Banderas" accent is not wavering from suave Latino into Count Dracula. Trust me. We had a few giggles at my last voice session because of it. It's amazing how easy it is to drift from one accent to another when you're fakin' it. So my preparation for battle is this: I bought "The Mask of Zorro" on DVD yesterday, starring (of course) Antonio Banderas. hee hee 'Cause I really need to study up on his nuances and just get my mimicking up to par. Funny enough, I'm going to have to watch the movie by myself, because Ted and Tammy have no interest whatsoever in watching it. Ah well. Can't say as I blame them. It's not like I'm a huge Antonio fan. I just happen to be able to mock him. Imitation isn't always the greatest form of flattery.

I hope you're having a great weekend. We're off to a little birthday party tonight for our friend Jamie.

Get a little hot n' dirty with a sexy summer tune from the dearly departed Aaliyah. It's both difficult and sad to think she's been gone for 6 years now. Such a sweet voice and boundless talent.

More Than a Woman

Passion, instant
Sweat beads, fill me
Cupid's shot me
My heartbeat's racing
Tempt me, drive me
Feels so exiting
Thought of highly
It's yours entirely

I'll be
I'll be more than a lover
More than a woman
More than you ever
I'll be
I'll be more than a lover
More than a woman
More than than enough for you
I'll be
(I'll be more) more than your lover
(more) more than a woman
(more) more than your under cover
I'll be
(I'll be more) more than a lover
(more) more than a woman
(more) more than enough for you

Midnight grindin'
Heart rates climbin'
You go, I go
'Cause we share pillows
Taste me, feed me
There's still no separating
Morning massages
Nubaums in your closet

I'll be
I'll be more than a lover
More than a woman
More than you ever
I said I'll be
I'll be
I'll be more than a lover
More than a woman
More than enough for you
I'll be
(I'll be more) more than a lover
(more) more than a woman
(more) more than your under cover
I'm gonna be
(I'll be more) more than a lover
(more) more than a woman
(more) more than enough for you

I don't think your ready
I don't think your ready for this thing
For this thing
I don't think your ready for this thing
You're not ready
I don't think your ready for this thing
This thing, this thing
I don't think your ready for this thing

Constant pleasure
No scale can measure
Secret treasures
Keeps on getting better
Do you wanna roll with me?
We can go to foreign lands
Your hand in my hand
Do you wanna ride with me?
We can be like Bonnie & Clyde
Be by your side

I'll be
I'll be more than a lover
More than a woman
More than you ever
I'll be
I'll be more than a lover
More than a woman
More than than enough for you
I'll be
(I'll be more) more than your lover
(more) more than a woman
(more) more than your under cover
I'll be
(I'll be more) more than a lover
(more) more than a woman
(more) more than enough for you

Best in Show (in the covetted "Sausage Dog" category)

So I walk out the front door of our building, taking the boys for their last pee break for the night. There are two (very beautiful) young guys sitting on the grate talking to one of the security guards. The two young guys are very taken by Porthos. (He has that effect on everyone... not just hot men... god bless 'em.) They're petting him and rubbing his belly, ('cause he's on his back like a common belly-rub whore for anyone who even starts to give him a few "scritches".) and the security guard (referring to Porthos) says to me: "What kind of dog is he?". Cordially, I said "He's a Basset Hound". To which he replied (as though he didn't hear me) "A sausage dog?". And I smiled and said "he's a Basset Hound". Then again from him "I thought he was a sausage dog". "Well, yeah... but his actual breed is Basset hound". (honest to goodness, I wasn't being a pr**k with the guy) And one last time... "So he's not a sausage dog?"
"(still smiling) Nope, not exactly". When really, truly... internally I'm thinking... "Why yesssss.... he is a sausage dog. ...Genuine Vienna honey garlic sausage dog. Mmmm. Spicy." dumb-ass

Don't get me wrong; I'm not a breed snob, and I don't mind if someone says "oooh look, a wiener dog" (I'm very fond of wieners.... sausage too. wink) but a) He was not listening to me. Don't ask me a question and ignore my answer and b) You're a grown man. I don't care if you know dog breeds or not, surely you know there's no such breed as a sausage dog!! Whatever. It certainly gave me a cutesy lil story to tell.

Speaking of the "sausage" dog... he's now crate-free.
Roaming his and Cole's domain while we're away, and thus far there have been no significant incidents. (aside from stealing used q-tips from the bathroom garbage can - ewww - you should see him lift the lid though. CUTE!) The only serious casualty has been one envelope delivered in the mail (a big Porthos-sized bite). The bills still arrive, so I don't think he's making a habit of it. He's become such a good boy. A daddy couldn't be more proud. I loves ma' boys!

I'm feeling a little "country" today... (Hey - no groaning... the alternative was the theme song to the Golden Girls which I've had running through my head all day. Damn you Nick!) So with a summery, feel-good tune in mind...

"Jeans On" by Keith Urban. Smokin' hot, and a phenomenal guitar player!

When I wake up in the mornin' light
I pull on my jeans and I feel all right
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on

It's the weekend, and I know that you're free
So pull on your jeans and come on out with me
Oh 'cause I need to have you near me,
I need to feel you close to me
I need to have you near me, I need to feel you close to me

You and me, we'll go motorbike ridin' in the sun
And the wind and the rain
I got money in my pocket, I got a tiger in my tank
And I'm king of the road again

I'll meet ya in the usual place
You don't need a thing except your pretty face, alright
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on
Aw, here we go mama

You and me, we'll go motorbike ridin' in the sun
And the wind and the rain
I got money in my pocket, I got a tiger in my tank
And I'm king of the road again

When I wake up in the mornin' light
I pull on my jeans and I feel all right
Hey I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on

I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on
I pull my blue jeans on, I pull my old blue jeans on

The Idiocy of Hell's Kitchen

This is my take on last night's episode of Hell's Kitchen. If it sounds like I'm hating it, it's because I am. This season is not nearly as entertaining as season 2 was.

I'm almost ready to just say "give Rock (the executive chef) the prize, send the others home, and put everyone (including the viewers) out of their misery". This show gets more contrived and stupid with every episode this season. The only woman left who's even remotely likable is Julia (the Pancake house cook), but I have my doubts Ramsay is going to give her the prize. Bonnie is a whiny little beeotch whose voice almost sends me into convulsion. And "Josh" stays over Brad??? -sigh- I realize they BOTH had to go ASAP, but Brad is obviously more capable than bumbling "donkey" Josh. The dwindling cast of idiots is captivating like a catastrophic accident. You just can't look away even though your better judgement begs it.

I may post later today (on a different and more worth while topic) if time permits.

Hairy Pothead

Well... finally watched Harry Potter 4 this weekend. Nope, that's not a typo... it was Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire that we finally popped in the ol' DVD player. After owning it for god-only-knows-how-many months. And once again... I don't get the mania. The third movie is still my favourite I suppose, but I guess I'm just not a big Harry Pothead fan. Nonetheless, seeing the 4th was a prelude to seeing the 5th ("Order of the Phoenix" right?) in IMAX sometime soon. We promised a friend we'd go. It'll be the first of the Potter films I'll see in the theatre. I hear it's the shortest film (adapted from the longest book). To me, that doesn't sound promising... but oh well. After the 7th book is released and long gone from the top of the book sales chart, I think I'll read them all. Maybe I'll even wait for all 7 volumes to be released as one big book. That would be fun.

Music for a rainy summer afternoon: "Love Can Damage Your Health" by Telepopmusik is my selection today. Tis very chillax, yet stimulating... moody and haunting, but light and airy. The lyrics... are a little abstract, so I'm not going to bother. But I do recommend the song if you can get yo paws on it.

The Movie Soundtrack of Your Life (as dictated by iTunes)

Hey! Turns out I love Music Memes! Watch for more of these eventually. Try it for yourself and let me know what you come up with.

Have a good weekend!

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool


Opening Credits: "Bambi" by Prince (who knew my life was about wooing lesbians!?)
First Day At School: "Paul McCartney" by Scissor Sisters (I can see it, in a "kids with ADD, kinda way.)
Falling In Love: "The Very Thought of You" by Natalie Cole (Awww, that's nice.)
Fight Song: "Breathe" by Faith Hill (not so appropriate, maybe "stop fighting, and just "breathe".)
Prom: "Cup of Life" by Ricky Martin (hmmmmmmm)
Life's OK: "Mama I'm Strange" by Melissa Etheridge (HAH! That's awesome!)
Mental Breakdown: "Better Be Good to Me" by Tina Turner (Not what I'd have chosen, but ok.)
Driving: "Down" by Amel Larrieux (maybe driving downtown, in the rain at night)
Flashback: "I Feel For You" by Prince (Had this been Chaka Khan's version... most definitely.)
Getting Back Together: "Satellite" by Natalie Imbruglia (aww! sweet song)
Wedding: "Here Comes the Rain Again" by Eurythmics (I don't think so. although... it's good luck, right?)
Birth of Child: "Like a Virgin" (live Confessions Tour) by Madonna ('kay that makes sense. a child would bring about a total transformation in my life.)
Final Battle: "He Can Only Hold Her" by Amy Winehouse (did I mention this was a Bridget Jone's Diary, "final battle"??)
Death Scene: "Answer" by Sarah McLachlan (heavy stuff)
Funeral Song: "Anna Rebecca" by Jann Arden (well, it's a "good bye" for sure, just a different kind)
End Credits: "Lookin' for a New Love 2005 rocasound mix" by Jody Watley (there must be a sequel already planned. hee hee)

ZZZZZZZap!

I must have this.

As juvenile as it may be... my desk is a thru-way for my co-workers to use my stapler after using the fax machine and photo-copier. I'm forever refilling my stapler, and I rarely use it myself. Staple-Moochin' b**ches! Taste the sting of electricity!!!

Why have I never known this type of office fuckery existed???!!

Mmmmm... Cake

Wow. This is post #100. I feel like there should be like... fireworks and shiny, scantily clad men jumping out of a cake.

Gee... in search of a visual aide... ala ripped torso smeared with icing from abs to pecs... all I could find was this blurred shot of a big lumpy cake. And who knows? There's likely a woman inside. Hopefully she's not there anymore.

Alas... although it's fun to picture someone trapped inside, with really bad poop cramps just waiting for the party crowd to yell "surprise".... I have no cake of any variety with which to commemorate my 100th blog entry. Meh... I did have leftover birthday cake for breakfast. Like... triple-layer, chocolate fudge cake with dark chocolate icing. Y'know... the kind that secretly makes you wonder if you're unknowingly mowin' down someone's idea of a practical joke.. "Ha ha ha... the chocolate cake in the staff fridge is frosted with melted Ex-Lax... don't tell anyone. Oh... and hide the bathroom keys."

So far so good. It's past lunch time and no volcanic bowel action. And just so you know... I wouldn't normally help myself to any food-stuffs in the staff fridge for fear of how long it's been there. Just, last night the station hosted it's annual summer staff party at the president's home. (No... the president of our company ya neener head.) Luckily, I had a chiropractic appointment and couldn't make it. Because ...well... these parties kinda suck when good things are happening... and let's just say good things are not happening right now and staff morale is at an all-time low, so I doubt it was anything to write home about... or write a blog entry about for that matter. But there was chocolate cake leftover in abundance... so for the sake of saying I had a healthy breakfast, let's just call it a big ol' chocolate pop-tart.

While on the topic of cake, I'm about due to bake one for Ted for post-birthday cake-cravings. He always gets two: an ice cream cake for the actual day, and then one that I bake after the fact. When I was a kid, I remember always getting a f**king Black Forest cake for my birthday almost every year... even though I HATED black forest and vocally opposed them every time. I'm still not very fond of cherries. But my mom would buy them because they were her favourite. I'm not going to delve into the topic of birthdays of yore though, lest I start bitching about how close mine is to Christmas and how I was constantly given the combo Christmas/Birthday gifts from everyone. Well, y'knew I was going to explain why. ha ha

A celebratory summer song's in order... I think... How 'bout a fluff-piece, trance-house track by Gloria Estefan "I Just Wanna Be Happy". It's from her rhythmic gem "Gloria"... one of the best CD's in the world to put on while you're doing house-work. Vacuuming never felt so party-esque!

i wanna a midnight rendezvous
i wanna give my love to you
i wanna make my dreams come true
i just wanna be happy
i wanna dance the whole night through
i wanna smell the flowers too
i wanna feel like lovers do
i just wanna be happy

i'm dancin' 'cause i feel good inside
i got the feelin' that money just can't buy
i may be dreamin' or is it my reality
i'm a believer and i believe i'm free
i can be happy because i want to be
don't need nobody to say what's right or wrong for me

i wanna a midnight rendezvous
i wanna give my love to you
i wanna make my dreams come true
i just wanna be happy
i wanna dance the whole night through
i wanna smell the flowers too
i wanna feel like lovers do
i just wanna be happy

i'm movin' to where i wanna go
feelin' the rhythm lettin' my body flow
made a decision to control my destiny
don't wanna sit back watchin' my life go by
i wanna get up, you know i gotta fly
won't ever give up until i'm happy, joyous and free

i wanna a midnight rendezvous
i wanna give my love to you
i wanna make my dreams come true
i just wanna be happy
i wanna dance the whole night through
i wanna smell the flowers too
i wanna feel like lovers do
i just wanna be happy

i just wanna be happy, joyous and free
happy, joyous and free
you know i wanna be happy, joyous and free
happy, joyous and free
i just wanna be happy, joyous and free
happy, joyous and free
i feel good inside
you know i wanna be happy, joyous and free

i wanna a midnight rendezvous
i wanna give my love to you
i wanna make my dreams come true
i just wanna be happy
i wanna have an ocean view
i wanna smell the flowers too
i wanna feel like lovers do
i just wanna be happy