Tuesday, April 17, 2007

When a Basett Can't Take No More

Porthos had a very "Jackie Collins" moment last night. In a moment of doggie desperation... a cry for help... a last-ditch effort to command all of our attention... young Basett hit the pills.

No suicide note or nuffin'.


I joke about it now, but at the time he scared the shit out of us. You see, I had a chiropractic appointment last night and I called Ted to come and pick me up when I was done. Since we've been "testing the waters" for short periods with P-Dawg being out of the crate when we're not home, Ted left him in the care of Cole. It wasn't going to be a long stint, so no worries right? Well... Ted left his gym bag on the floor, and in the gym bag is a small Tylenol bottle with both Tylenol and Advil inside that Ted totes around with him. We came home to Pordiddly, poppin' pills. Specifically, the Advil with their irresistibly sweet coating. (Why is that anyhow? Does anyone actually prefer Advil for the taste?) "Why no dear puppy; those aren't M&M's".



By Ted's best estimate (based on how many pills he believed to be unaccounted for) Porthos had eaten at least 4, but no more than 6. Like we do in any after-hours canine health crisis, we hit the internet to find out whether we should be trying to get him to throw up, rushing him to a vet, etc, etc.
Luckily, it turns out, for a dog his size he would've needed to down a whole lot more than that to do any significant harm.


Little drama queen just had a headache.


Any how, he was fine and we were relieved. That dog is trouble. And here I had been griping that I was going to kill him if he'd been eating the plants again. Little fucker. Sometimes I wonder what Cole thinks of Porthos' impish behaviour. 'Cause he was never like that. Ah well. For all I know, Cole offered him some "candy". Above "eliminating the competition"? I think not.

I bought two new CD's last night (post chiropractor/pre-O.D. attempt). One was "Life in Cartoon Motion" by Mika, and the other was "Back to Black" by Amy Winehouse. And coke-head or not... Miss Amy just wails. I had no idea. She's astounding. Classic soul sound/2007 mentality. Knock me over with a feather. And knock her over with a Betty Ford brochure. Girlie likes her substances.

"Rehab" Amy Winehouse

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

I'd rather be at home with Ray
I ain't got seventeen days
Coz there's nothing
There's nothing you can teach me
That I can't learn from Mr Hathaway

I didn't get ol lucky at class
But I know it don't come in a shot glass

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

The man said 'why do you think you here'
I said 'I got no idea
I'm gonna, I'm gonna lose my baby so I always keep a bottle near'
He said 'I just think your depressed,
kiss me here baby and go rest'

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

I don't ever wanna drink again
I just ooh I just need a friend
I'm not gonna spend ten weeks
have everyone think I'm on the mend

It's not just my pride
It's just til these tears have dried

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'
Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know
I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine
He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go

12 comments:

Misster Kitty said...

Glad to hear Porthos is ok.

I have to admit, I DO prefer Advil and it IS because of the coating! As soon as I saw the word advil I was all 'Mr Burns' and sighing.... "Ad-viiiiiiiiil Ex-ceeeeeellllll-ent!"

I also recall when I was but a wee young lad I used to pop a few extra St-Joseph's Aspirin for children. They tasted SO GOOD! lol

Maybe me and Porthos need a 12 step...

Anonymous said...

As someone who usually ends up taking pills without beverage I also must say that Advil (and even fake Life-Brand Advil) are the easiest to take. One has a tasty coating and the other is just pleasantly smooth and non-fall-aparty.

Jerome, who is way too lazy to sign in

John said...

I can take any pills with or without beverage, and I've never really developed a preference. I just find that Advil works better for me than anything else. In the horrible hey-day of my herniated disk, I was taking about 12-16 of them per day. God only knows what that did to my internal organs, but at the time I didn't care. I just wanted the pain to stop. Anyhoo... it's interesting to know there is a demand for the way Advil is made, and not just it's effectiveness. I just know that baby-dog didn't eat the Tylenol, 'cause it tastes bad. For that, I'm grateful.

N@ Lauzon said...

OH crap, don't even talk to me about freaking out over dog stupidness.
Welcome to my every day.
hehehe
Glad he's okay!!!
xo

Misster Kitty said...

Just 'cause Tylenol tastes bad to us, should not equate to it tasting bad to a dog. Poop-sangwiches aside, dogs have very peculiar tastes...

My dog Lady (god rest her soul) had 3 addictions:
1) Peanut butter (on ANYTHING or even by itself)
2) Matches. (She's suck all the tips clean. but leave all the matches and the match book cover intact, if not a little wet... To her they were like crack!)
and ...
3) Used Q-tips. I KNOW! gross huh? She'd plunge head first into the bathroom wastebin any and every chance she got. And when she'd find 'em she'd suck those puppies clean as well... including the cotton tip.

So if Porthos only has a thing for yummy coated Advil, count yourself among the lucky! it could be worse!

John said...

hee hee

Both Porthos and Cole would sell us both for peanut butter in any quantity.

Our old (nasty) dog Bailey somewhere along the line developed a hankerin' for used tampons! GAAAHH
That is of course when she lived in a house with 4 women. (before Ted moved in with me) But Bailey just couldn't resist used tampons whenever we've had female friends and family stay at our place. (insert some tasteless joke about dogs and blood-lust here)

Luckily, Cole is a candy cane hound. He loves Laura Secord candy canes. It's his favourite thing. (and he rarely gets any)

Porthos loves toast (with peanut butter of course) and funny-enough, it has nothing to do with Ted's nephews (who haven't quite mastered the pronunciation of "Porthos") calling him "PorToast". hah

Misster Kitty said...

Ewwie ewwie ewwie!
Oh no, Bailey, no!
Ewwie ewwie ewwie!

And here I thought the used Q-tips were narsty...

(part of me hopes no one posts anything worse, the other half is trying to imagine IF there's anything worse.)

Anonymous said...

My dog used to eat babies whole.

John said...

It's not nice to toy with Misster Kitty. ; )

But I think I can safely say he'd rather watch a dog eat a baby. hah

Misster Kitty said...

Pffffffft Babies!

I eat babies for breakfast!

Suivant! Next!

Anonymous said...

But my dog was a chihuahua! Envision THAT, my friend!

Misster Kitty said...

Impressive.