Sunday, March 29, 2009

No One Need Die. Just Let Me Do My Laundry.

Laundry room etiquette 101:

If you return to the laundry room of your apartment building and there's a big gay guy sitting, swinging his legs, obviously waiting for something... you might want to survey the room to realize that there are no available dryers, and he might just be waiting for one. If this should be the case, then it may not be the most considerate time to proceed to fold each individual item as you remove it from the dryer you've finished using. Perhaps you could instead, remove all the clothes like a normal person and fold them elsewhere instead of slowly, steadily sealing your death with each maddening gesture of oblivion to your fellow tenant. Consider if only for a moment that others also happen to pay rent which entitles them to use the laundry facilities, and quite likely before you've folded your last pair of panties.

Yes, the big gay guy is not above stuffing your delicate little frame inside said-dryer and forgoing another cycle, just to rid the world of someone with your glaring lack of manners. But instead, he'll just suffer silently and write passive-aggressive evil intentions towards you in his blog before creating a soft little lint voodoo doll out of the filter remnants you did not clean out. (adding insult to injury).

1 comment:

Misster Kitty said...

Oh my dear dear dear John... Grow a pair please... Listen and learn...

Lessons from Kitty's life...

1) Red Food Colour IS your friend (as long as the asshole who took your laundry out of the washer BEFORE the cycle was complete leaving soap in the clothes... Simple open said machine and drop in a open bottle of food colour.

2) Gum is your friend as well. Should you ever find your laundry pulled out of the dryer WET and someone elses clothing in its place drying... simply throw in a few sticks of juicy-fruit (unwraped)... it melts FAST in the dryer and leaves the resulting blob of fabric mass freshly scented.

3) Scissors are ALSO your friend... in ANY case where your laundry has been removed BEFORE it's time from either washer or dryer... simply open up and cut a piece to shreds... it's important to read labed first... Locate the MOST EXPENSIVE label and then have at it.

As for your specific case, might I highly recommend next time simply walking over to said dryer, say "Please, allow me to help" then reach in and removing the remainder of the laundry, placing it NICELY on the top of the machine and put yours in to dry. Is she comes out with ANYTHING other than an apology, simply indicate that you HAVE a life and would like to get back to it.

If that fails give me her address...